NEVER FORGET: DECEMBER 20 OUTREACH

A week has passed since we did, my first as well, evangelical outreach at the Ospital ng Muntinlupa. I don't know how to perfectly share the experience without giving due credit to the man behind all of it, noone else but, our Lord Jesus Christ. All from Him, through Him and for Him. 

One of my dream jobs, probably the top, is to become a philanthropist who dedicates her time in making the world a better place to live in (if only my height allowed me to be a Ms. Universe!). Volunteering for humanitarian organizations has remained a frustrated dream because I lived in a discontented life. That's the contradiction: I want to help but I feel like I can't. This 24-year old frustrated dream suddenly had meaning when I accepted Christ who showed me my purpose by the gift of eternal life. He loved me (us) too much to die on the cross for our mistakes, and up to this day, continues to love despite our sinful lives. 

As Christ commanded us in Matthew 22:37–40 to: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commandments” That LOVE became the sole reason for this charity. 

Isn't it appropriate to say that the more you fall in love with someone, you grow to loving what He loves? I love Him who loves you, so I am to love you as well, right? Another emphasis here is that we are not given only one commandment, rather two that are inseparable. 

I am so blessed to have a close friend/spiritual accountability partner, Richel, who shares the same heart in helping others. We've been discussing this long before but the actual planning just started a month and a half before the event. There are too many options on how we can reach out because there A LOT of people are in need. But we agreed that in whatever form it may be, our main objective remains the same: to share the gospel. Giving donations is only secondary because undisputedly the GOOD NEWS is the best gift we can ever give someone. 

Here are two of the many learnings from this outreach activity:

1. God's grace is abounding because of His faithfulness. (2 Corinthians 9:8, And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.)

When God confirmed to us that we are doing it in Ospital ng Muntinlupa (affirming it from the management's approval to the clear vision of how are staging it), He equipped us all throughout the process. We set our target to 40 beneficiaries and made a modest list of what we are giving: bible, gospel tracts, afternoon snacks, and noche buena gift packs. We are well aware that we both can't do it alone, so we designed the outreach as a fundraising activity by seeking sponsors for the gift packs and fully involving the Singles Ministry of our church. Only with His grace, we achieved these amazing results:

a. Almost 40 patients + their relatives heard the Gospel! Our prayer continues that their acceptance were truthful and/or allowing the God to transform their lives. 

b. Raised 47,000+ (we are still waiting for some) which is more than twice of our target! 
c. There were 30 passionate volunteers who sacrificed their Sunday family day to be part of this.
d. Got the bibles for a discounted price of Php 116 from Php 145.
e. Couple of people sponsored the snacks, water, and paper bags.
f. Excess monetary donations will be used for the next project(s)! 

2. It's not about us. As I said above, Rich and I are not taking any credit for this, because we clearly didn't do this alone. God made His presence felt through the people who joyfully served with us. We became the fuel of the vessels in people whom God called to take part in His great work. I am forever humbled by that. 

The wisdom, time and being hands-on of the Offsite Cluster of the CCF Ministry smoothen the preparations. Their spiritual maturity kept us aligned to the main objective. The 30 volunteers who shared the gospel completed the objective. I can't imagine how we could've finished the day without their compassion and passion to serve. The generous hearts of the sponsors who shared their overflowing blessings in private motivated the project to do more for others. Our DGroup Upline and kind hearts who helped in the packing, loading of the goods and those we may have failed to see - you are a huge of this. 

I can go on sharing the wonderful stories before, during and after this activity. My heart is full of praises to the Lord for this opportunity to serve Him through serving others. On a personal note, I am scared (scared is an understatement because I can seriously die!) of hospitals or anything medical/blood-related. Looking how I was able to do it, there's indeed a superficial power who carried me through. I am speechless on how God placed me in this situation to improve myself still for His glory. 

As the year closes, I am writing this to remind myself or anyone who might stumble upon this post, of the work done and to be done. We have kept a directory of the patients so we can keep in touch with them and hopefully meet and minister to them again. Also, to continually pray for their healing and spiritual growth. Lastly, that this activity will not become a Christmas or seasonal project, rather the start of many projects next year. Projects that are "outward" because the lost are outside of our comfort zones. All we need is to step out and up for LOVE.

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These past months, I have been cynical on posting stuff on social media as I find it as a trap for self-righteousness. I am struggling on being intentional in everything I do, trying to avoid doing things just for the sake of it. This outreach activity has been full of praise reports, however, I was to reluctant to share it online making it like a "publicity stint" or making it about me no matter how I give the glory to the Lord. Then, a friend told me to not overthink because social media will be useful on the next projects by making people aware of what has been done and we commit to do. I couldn't agree more, thus this blog post :)

All Him, all for Him.

UNDER TRIAL

"You are loved more than you ever know by someone who died to know you" (in relation to Romans 5:8)

During my first solo international trip, that happened a few weeks ago, I maximized this opportunity to be very intimate with the Lord who made this journey a milestone (I swear to find time to write more about that trip some other time). I read about the Book of Job and reflected on the daily devo's on www.utmost.org. I also had a specific prayer focus each day like family, career, love, spiritual walk, etc. What was my key takeaway? The nature of faith is to be tested to reveal the qualities of the object of our faith. I laid down all my petitions and He simply told me to have faith at all times - good or bad. That's it, that's all I need. While I was wandering alone, I kept reminding myself to trust Him my steps, and sure enough, He is more faithful than I am by bringing me home whole and scratch-free. I was so ecstatic about how God spoke to me in the trip. But little did I know, it is when I'm back home that the application will take place. It's always easier said than done, cliche as always.

To be very honest, I am struggling so much right now with my walk. I am so ashamed of how self-righteous I have been. Since I declared my lifetime commitment to God, I was really on fire to live for Him. His love is overflowing in my heart that I was trying so hard to be obedient and be the daughter He wants me to be. I want Him to be glorified in everything I do. But who was I kidding? In the deepest of my heart and at the back of my mind, God bared my soul infront of me to show how narrow I viewed faith to be. A discipline that I am finding hard to accept.

It rooted to when I was praying for someone for a long time (see my previous post) and I had convinced myself I was doing a good job on guarding my heart. I claimed all circumstances to be evidences that he is my God's best. I was trying to be elusive towards him not to preempt God's timing for us. Evidently, when I knew he was praying for someone else, my heart ached a lot, and until now, it's consuming me. I am now seeing them closer than before that validates the guy's affection. My emotions and thoughts are killing me right now realizing this. And I hate it!

I hate pain - physical, emotional, mental, and add to that now the spiritual kind. I hate how I am hurting over a guy again. No matter how much I try to shake it off, pain still creeps in. The response of the old HOPE to pain would be to escape or to loathe until she becomes numb. My great fear to return to the old HOPE is crashing in now. I was such an over thinker, controlling and discontented. I know the devil is tempting me to go back to my old ways, but God is motivating me to fight against it.

In our GLC class (bible study), I learned that there should be an effort too from our part as believers. Yes, God saved us, fights for us and will never stop blessing us; but He does this for us to be a dependent follower, which is not a lazy or passive role, rather bold and diligent in the relationship. We are to make disciples and we have commandments to obey. Faith is indeed an action word.

Having this spiritul setback, I can see how God wants me to rejoice (1 Peter 1:6). I am improving to be more prayerful, to lift up to Him all sorts of worries. I also had to straighten my focus on God's agenda for me, and all of us, which is discipleship. My girls need me right now and I have to be strong for them. I have to model what I preach. Also, people around me are showering me with compliments of how I am blessing them with my walk (oh, if they only know my imperfections). I use those encouragements to keep doing what is right for the Lord and eliminate what isn't. How amazing truly God is. He's working in my life and I am nothing but undeserving. I will forever be undeserving of this pursuing love.

The battle is not yet over. I am still letting my emotions cripple me down, thoughts exaggerate to the unthinkable, and crying has been the first reaction. I am sure tomorrow or the next day or week, I will be again dodging from deceits but my biggest defense is HOPE. All things work together for good with God (Romans 8:28). I need prayers, I need encouragements, I need focus.


All Him, all for Him.

DEAR PIZZA

I have got my eyes on you for over 10 months, gushing about you for 5 months, praying about you for 3 months now, and trying to get by with a heartache of you the past 5 days. You are blameless. It was my qualities-I-am-looking-for that made me attracted to you and my lack of self-control to cause this heartbreak.

Did you know that before you admitted that you are praying for someone else, I was already weighing my emotions if I could be seriously falling for you? Not just a simple crush but going to that big word L-O-V-E. Despite that painful truth, you remained in my prayers and I am bringing this burden with me on my first solo international trip. Because I am still HOPING that someday I'll get to tell you how I enjoyed waiting for our story to unfold in His perfect timing. 

The Lord knows how much I tried to guard my heart. Every night I was begging Him to take away the attractions if it's not His will, but at the same time seeking patience if it should remain. So yeah, it's been quite a ride already and I am even willing to go with it for a longer haul. 

Again, never your fault that: a) your jokes were are so corny that I buy it; b) I really like cute, geeky guys; c) the way you naturally speak about God's word is a huge check; d) I never find your stories boring; and e) your strong conviction to make me ride the back seat is, still by far, the sweetest gesture a guy has done for me. Yes, every time you drive me home and I am at the back seat, I feel so protected and respected. You raised my standards in dating that I have been comparing others to you. Like wondering, what would Pizza do? Then, I think that I will appreciate it more if it was you. 

You have no idea how much I enjoy talking to you. Our conversations meant a lot. Nothing was senseless, all were interesting. You are that man I want to converse with at the end of the day - whom I can be open about and eager to listen to. And up until now, the emotions are the same. I find myself being your partner in serving the ministry.

I know God never wanted this heartbreak for me. In fact, I praise Him for this experience. After my first failed relationship (wherein I was not a Christian yet), His love became enough that my standards are His. I never wanted to have a crush on anyone that time. I was controlling my emotions because I am not ready for that commitment anytime soon.  However, for it to remain for a nearly year, I surely got my selfish HOPES so high. I maybe reading the signs the wrong way. (Oh, I have so many stories of what I thought are signs) 

Then again, I thank God for allowing this attraction because it brought me closer to Him. It made me so patient - to think patience is my biggest struggle. Waiting has never been this romantic for me. I love praying about you or for "God's best" to come along. It assured me of His omnipotence and faithfulness. That's a reason why I am excited to be alone with God in this week-long trip. To turn away from distractions and focus only on Him.

It may or may not be you, only God knows; you may be my answered prayer or someone else's, I won't mind actually; this may be one of those "love stories that never happened" or it may actually end happily ever after; nonetheless, Pizza will forever be my favorite go-to food and yours too, right? That connection will remain special to me even if I can only take the back seat.

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

GOSSIP IS STEALING

And stealing is a SIN, and sin hurts not just others but GOD.

I guess we all know what gossip is and, HOPEFULLY, know that it is no good. What I discovered when I became a Christian is how serious gossip is to be considered a sin. How? (this is fresh from the message in the Sunday Service awhile ago at CCF) Gossip is an act of stealing truth, and we are all commanded not to steal (Exodus 20:15). What I see as the struggle is identifying a gossip. Based on my bible readings, two things must be considered: intention and content. Just thinking of these two takes a lot of wisdom from the Holy Spirit. So, here goes a story of how my perspectives changed on gossip - and other things, because of grace..

Our intern had negative remarks about me (no need to share what it was) that she told to her fellow intern, who shared it to the Human Resource supervisor, who then reported it to my boss, and eventually came to my knowledge. The transition of the message happened in just a day. It was that fast. Honestly, I didn't expect that remark from her so I felt so sad (I'll tell why later). I had a heavy heart coming out of my boss' office, and I was hearing God calling me to be quiet in Him through prayer. Here are what I heard from God:

1. Live like a Christian. As in grounded, like God pulled me back so hard from my self-righteousness. This situation reminded me of my life purpose which is to live for His glory in all things I do - wherever and whenever. The workplace is definitely the biggest opportunity for me live my purpose since I spend most of my days there. My workmates, including this intern, were aware of how I am taking my faith seriously. I realized I was failing because I wasn't being a good testimony. I was so insensitive with my words and actions, not noticing I wasn't being a good mentor to this girl. I was so caught up with my own stresses that is affecting someone negatively. Definitely, a heart check moment but I still felt loved knowing God's love disciplines. He wants to keep me right on track in my walk towards Him.


2. Peace in putting God first. I have all the chance to share this story to my workmates and friends. I can make a huge deal about it actually. However, God called me to keep it between us. If it was the old HOPE, it would've been a big deal and our intern will be hated on. In that moment, the Holy Spirit tamed my tongue and cleansed my heart from any hatred. I was even compelled to talk to her and say sorry. The following day I confronted her to apologize and clear things out. This I tell you, the conversation was beyond pleasant! Since it was intentional and centered on Christ, there was peace in our hearts. I was spared from committing same sin that started the problem. Also, I was at peace having only God's voice in mind and speaking through me in our talk. No worldly, unsolicited advice from people who are imperfect like me. Now that everything is fixed, the incident becomes a testimony worthy of blogging.


3.  Be accountable to oneself. Of my words and actions like what I said in the first point. The main reason why I was sad because, knowing she's also an active servant of Christ, I had expectations that 1) she will never say or do such thing; and 2) we have this "secret understanding and connection" because of faith. But in the end,  I was only disappointed of myself. She definitely didn't mean harm to me. She was just honest about her feelings and got careless of how it came across when she shared it to her friend. We all stumble like that. So, I take full responsibility of what happened because it wouldn't have happened if I was thinking of point # 1 in the first place. And, why would I pass my duty of loving to others? I need to stand up to everything word and action because I am carrying Christ's name, which relates to obeying commandment # 2 - "You shall not take the name of the Lord God in vain." Exodus 20:7


4. Stop gossiping. There's nothing wrong in sharing emotions to family or friends. But always consider the intention. It is really important to have an intimate relationship with God to purify our thoughts, words and actions. See, there was no harm meant but, since it turned to a gossip, it came across differently. And if the reason why we confide our feelings with others is for comfort, then God is the ultimate comforter there is. (Psalms 34:8) Or maybe just to rant? Then the more it becomes unreasonable. There is definitely joy and peace with a clean heart.


This gossip incident definitely turned to be a blessing as I learned to value my relationship to God and others. Both the intern and I apologized to each other and closed in prayer. Words are deadly indeed, so THINK if what we are about to say is - Truth, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary and Kind. (learning from Sunday Service message)


Ephesians 4: 29 " Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."


All Him and for Him.

FIRST STEP TO DISCIPLESHIP

"All it takes is ONE STEP OF FAITH in Christ and His promises" (end note in the Introduction page of Step One Series handbook)

As I recall how the Lord paved the way for me to accept the calling of discipleship, my heart is so astounded of His great power to change my desires to align with His. Let me start by sharing how I strongly blocked the idea of being a discipler at the start of my walk. During our DGroup goal setting earlier this year, my discipler shared that one of her goals is to have two of her girls to also start their own small group. We were just four then discussing and I was so quick to say this, "Oops, not me! Not yet this year. I think it will be the two of them," (while pointing at the two). Another incident was during our vision setting, the last session of the retreat, I was so hesitant to say what the group was expecting from me. I was so reluctant, so I limited myself to just say, "I want to share more about Him at least to my loved ones." And only two weeks after the retreat, I am eating every word I said. 

THE CALL

The retreat ignited the fire in my heart to fully surrender my life to Christ - by saying surrender, I want to live my whole life for Him. I carried this wonderful burden in my heart and everyday, since then, it just wants to burst out! God heard my prayers to use me in any way for His glory. I can't stop talking about and to Him. I was given the privilege to share my testimony to the CCF B1G South Singles Ministry. Then the following day on Sunday service, the message was about discipleship. (I mean, seriously, immediately?) The church was launching its advocacy "Every Member A Discipler" or EMAD. I was so in denial in my seat, whispering to the Lord, "Wait God. Are you speaking to me now."

THE ANSWERED CALL

Before the end of the message, our head pastor announced a 4-day seminar entitled STEP ONE, about equipping individuals on discipleship, which will happen every Tuesday at 7:30 pm.  I was enlightened of how God chose people to be His disciples who eventually need to "fish men." (Matthew 4:19) During the closing prayer, no second thoughts, I said yes to the call. I swore to God that I will attend without even thinking the difficulty of going out from work to make it to the 7:30 pm class.  I messaged my discipler about my desires and sought prayers as I wanted to do this with the right heart. 

THE STRETCH

You have no idea how impossible it is for me to leave work at exactly 6:30 pm. But on all the 4 Tuesdays, I saw how truthful God is to His words. When you obey His will for you, God will surely deliver you against all odds! As He declared in Psalms 50:15, "And call on Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you shall honor and glorify Me." Recounting the miraculous ways of how I made it to all 4 sessions: 1) my boss was so understanding to release me so early and the cab driver drove fast but safely; 2) my boss went out early and an officemate offered a ride; 3) I was so loaded with work in the morning but I was able to finish just right on time, and the same officemate dropped me off directly at church because I was already 15 minutes late; and 4) my boss was on leave so it was so easy to leave early! Amazing, isn't? Also, we were forced to consume half of our leaves and it was so timely to file it every Wednesday, meaning I could rest the next day after staying late for the series. Praise God indeed!

THE STEP

One important thing I learned in this series is that we are ALL called to disciple - it is a COMMAND. Again I repeat, it's a duty of every single human being on earth, no one is exempted. I have been praying to God to reveal what my life purpose is. Then I stumbled on a devotion by John Piper, who simply explained that we are created for one reason: to live for His glory. (Romans 11:36) Though differently for each of us, the real question is HOW to glorify Him. The series definitely taught me so many things: from correcting my heart in this mission, of where or how to begin my own small group, and the need to do it NOW. 

It began with a heart overflowing with Christ's love and it wants to outflow, spreading like virus to those who are empty. Knowing how terrible life on earth and in the afterlife without Christ, I am motivated to find a way to save my loved ones. But God impressed in my heart to not limit myself. He has plans for my family which I am confident of. I am meant for something else. So, I prayed for that first girl. Surprisingly God quickly answered me! She is our intern and when I took courage to ask her if I can minister to her, she cheerfully said yes! On our first encounter I am humbled of how easily she opened her heart to me. I am amazed of how I can see parts of me in her, and as for the differences, I take those as opportunities for me to grow too. The more I got to know her, the more I wanted to see God's transformation in her life - all the more I believe in the power of discipleship. When I invited her to our Saturday worship, hearing her sing loud and seeing her lift her hand, tears dropped my eyes. I had goosebumps. My conviction grew stronger, no doubt on that very moment, GOD IS REAL! 

THE NEXT STEPS
Another hair-raising story of God's sovereignty, right after the Step One Series, GLC 1 was starting the next day. It's a program of our church to provide in depth knowledge of God's word. It's a weekly class every Wednesday at 7:00pm. The 7:30pm Step One was already a struggle but amazingly that Wednesday I was forced by my boss to take a leave. My heart is 100% willing but I regretfully belittled the miracles He can do for me. So when I attended the the first day problem free, all by His grace, I know God wanted me to surrender the rest of the days to Him. All I have to do is to study hard, commit to discipleship and trust Him fully. Because surely He is with me. (Matt 28:20). I prayed so hard (until now) for consistency. I asked for an official permission to my boss that I may leave exactly 6:30pm because of this new chapter. And, praise God #100! She was so supportive about it. So the 2nd session last week, I made it to class! (though I was 15 minutes late). There are bumps and obstacles (there will always be), but I am reminded that God created the earth, why would I worry about the road to get there?

I can now attest to what my discipler feels - it's this unexplained great joy in discipleship. How lives are transformed is never because of you, it's about Christ who lives in you - you are just a vessel of that love to come across to someone's heart. However, the big concern is that there so much lost souls and time is running, so the urge to reach out intensifies. Then again, it's not A-Z easy, it takes a lot of time and effort already with one person so the objective is to make your steps count and continue walking straight with the Lord. "Share the One, start with One." 

Now that I am accountable to one girl and studying in depth His word, I know everything else will follow. He made all things possible when all I did was answer the call. My prayer is that more people will answer the call of lifelong walk of faith. 


"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." (Ephesians 2:20)

All Him, all for His glory. 

HEADACHE AND HEART CHECK

This is the story of how I felt God is at work all the time. 

I thought I lost my phone last week (but praise God I just dropped it in my friend's car), and it took me only awhile to realize that was a huge blessing. I've been having severe headaches for weeks because of my astigmatism (my fault for not wearing glasses all the time) and I've been struggling on excessive phone usage of nonsense apps browsing. So, not having it for an entire day allowed me to really rest my eyes which resulted to a headache-free day! 

Next, I realized that I am wasting so much time on "mobile bumming" when I could just spend it more on productive things or quiet time. Whenever I find it hard to sleep, I choose to browse the net through my phone. I realized how much time I could spend talking and listening more to Him. Quite an intervention to re-evaluate my priorities.

Lastly, I realized how weak my heart still is. It was only when I got home at 4 am, from a fellowship with churchmates, that I found out it was missing. I felt hopeless on reaching my friends, so I just cried to sleep and shamelessly saying, "Lord mawala na lahat wag lang fone please." But God was my comfort that I was able to sleep over my worries. When I woke up, I learned that the phone was safe with my friend! Then, I saw photos of last night's fellowship on Facebook. Suddenly, I felt so bad about myself for being so selfish and materialistic. I didn't even thank Him for guiding me home safe nor the fun fellowship we had; and I forgot to simply rest my troubles in Him, rather I cried out selfishly for a temporal thing (mobile phone, above all things?!?) This made me check my heart again of how much contentment and trust do I have for the Lord.

It might be a simple incident but it's really in those unexpected things that God reveals His love for us. 

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. Psalms 28:7

❤

WORK BRILLIANTLY

How many times have I said that time flew so fast these past few months? The past year has been very remarkable for me compared to the bleak summer of 2014. How my life turned 360 degrees from then I am always left speechless by the Great Lord  who delivered me in this joyful chapter of my life. I will always credit my career now at Marriott Hotel Manila as my first answered prayer. Just this 1st of August I celebrated my 1st work-niversary and with mixed emotions I both wonder "where did the months go?" and "but it felt like years with the experiences I had." I can still clearly remember my job interview wherein there were three of us vying for the post, and for the record, those girls lowered my self-esteem because of how stunning they look and their career background! Then surprisingly, I was the only one called back for the second interview with my direct boss now (whoop!). For that reason, I will always believe that this one is indeed for me (a reminder for times I feel incompetent).

Working for a hotel, specifically Marriott which is recognized to be the world's best hotel employer, is definitely a privilege. I can attest to that recognition because Marriott stands true to its core values which is pro-people. You will always hear Bill Marriott's famous quote, "take care of your associate and they will take of the customers." 

In a year, I learned and discovered SO MUCH about hotel operations, travelers, marketing industry, public relations, writing, sales, social media, digital world, kinds of people, and also myself. Sharing here some work insights I am relating to the five core values of Marriott. It will be far from how the hotel defines it, just my version of it (hihi)

1. WE PUT PEOPLE FIRST

We are only four in the Marketing Communications team which is a sub-group of the Sales and Marketing department of 30 associates, which is a small percentage of the 500+ employees (unsure of the total count), but then only a minuscule of the global brand. Not to forget the hundreds, sometimes to thousands, of guests coming and out of the hotel, it is definitely a huge community I am in. Being in the marketing communications I also have to deal with the media, online community (billions in population) and any potential readers of the content we create. So yeah, it's a work that involves A LOT of people. In this realization, I always remind myself that everything I do will affect others so I have to be careful at all times. I learned very well how to place myself on other people's shoes. I gain a habit of being warm, cheerful and accommodating to whoever. No one becomes a stranger in the hospitality industry.

2. WE PURSUE EXCELLENCE
When you are surrounded with seasoned people it's either you get intimidated or you strive to be one of them. It is not a competition, I consider it a motivation. The keyword there is "pursue", meaning you keep going until you tick off all the deliverables on your daily action items. Our balance scorecard, other companies call it key performance indicator, sets our annual performance goals which is a great practice to shape someone's growth. From there I learned to keep little, non-quantifiable personal goals (like reach one year in your workplace, get a press release published in a major newspaper, etc) and regularly celebrate your successes. Excellence for me subjective defined by how you set it - all for His glory.

3. WE EMBRACE CHANGE
I see change here as mistakes or failures. You have no idea how much I struggled to get along the "waves", and until now I still stumble here and there. I deal with a difficult boss  (and I love her for that)  and so many bizarre personalities everyday, and I had to manage things that are mostly  new to me, so imagine how frustrated I became. As they say, learn from your mistakes. Absolutely, I hugged all of it! It takes a lot of humility to admit you are wrong and to embrace improvement.

4. WE ACT WITH INTEGRITY
I believe that the workplace is a battleground of integrity because it involves quintessential worldly things - money and career success. So, people will either get the best or worst out of you. I remain HOPEFUL on the goodness in every person but it is a regret to know that some really don't share the same principles and faith as mine. You are not required to be like them nor fake your way through to survive - a big NO! Others may hate that I am too-good-to-be-true or I refuse to speak ill about others. Yes, there times I can't stand some people but I just don't see any valid reason to hate someone. Integrity requires so much professionalism and maturity. That is why someone has to stand firm in their beliefs, but before that, a person should have established what matters to them most.


5. WE SERVE GOD
When you consider your work as a calling than a career, then you will feel more grateful to be seeing tons of emails, squeezing creative juices and beating last-minute deadlines. Keeping in mind Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." It may sound vague but consider God as your boss. Trust me, He kept me fearless from the most draining tasks or difficult people around. Because after all, that job is a blessing from Him who promised to be a boss/mentor/provider and will reward for the faithful ones. God has been my source of calmness and peace of mind in my struggles, and He worked mysteriously as to how He recognized my efforts. After all, it is never our personal abilities that get us far. Where does success bring us? Not too far if not for Him who assures eternity. It is all Him and for Him. 


Ending this post with another popular quote of JW Marriott, "success is never final." It is unending, it is unlimited, it goes one and it is everywhere/anywhere. I am very happy to know I am working tomorrow at Marriott 

COMMITMENT

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it's the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Last weekend, I attended my first Christian retreat, entitled True Life, and it has been by far the best 3 days of my life. Imagine being locked in a beautiful place focused on knowing and praising God alone. What made it more colorful was you share the experience with 250+ people whose hearts are afire with His love. It felt like we were there for a week, yet I don't want it to end. But I know the real result of the retreat begins as we go back to normal programming. So, this is how I try to make Him known by writing my testimony the way I know how.

What's my True Life story?

It's a love story, a romantic one. <3 font="">As I recall this one, I shudder in tears and joy combined as to how He revealed how much He loves me - us. 

A quick flashback to how I started attending the single's ministry at CCF. As much as I hate to admit but it was triggered by my first real heartbreak that happened last year (which I have told several times in this blog). I won't go into details of how bad the relationship was but I will share bits and pieces to shed some light on how perfect His plan is. "We" were wrong right from the beginning. "We" are not compatible at all, maybe we got too caught up with the ridicule from people around us saying we look good together. He never really pursued / courted me. There were no giving of flowers or even flowery actions to please me. Less than a month from knowing we have a mutual understanding, we entered a "no label" relationship (it was like the cool thing then). We fought more than we understood each other. Sexual immoralities was at the center of us. Then again, I admit to having a fair share in this failed relationship, since yes, I settled for that. And only after a year, he left me. You know the story - he broke up with me on Facebook.

I don't feel any pinch of pain anymore (thank God for healing my broken heart), but damn, I never thought it would be the darkest moment of my life since I never realized that it was actually going to end. In those times too, everything around me were falling apart. I was battling a broken relationship with my sister, my parents weren't around to protect me, work was so uninspiring that I was literally dragging myself to the office, and generally my life became so awful. I clearly remember how depressed I was, I always tell/wonder to myself how can someone simply hurt and leave me like that? Don't I deserve a decent break up, even more, a decent relationship? My insecurities grew ten times more. I felt so ugly, pathetic, disrespected and worthless. Am I not worth sticking up with?

To get over the depression, I always go out to either a coffee shop to read books or eat in a nice restaurant alone. I also went extremes. I went mountain climbing, island hopping, surfing and committed myself to boxing/muay thai. All to prove I can do this on my own. And then one of those consecutive nights of crying myself to sleep because of the unbearable pain, I called out on Him, "I don't want this feeling anymore, please take it away." Indeed, He listens. (Psalms 34:17-18).

I was in touch with my friend Richel who invited me to CCF Sunday Service. My heart was strongly touched that very day that I knew this was all I needed. She saw the joy I felt after, so she invited me to Saturday singles ministry, called B1G (Be One with God) South, where I easily felt comfortable. During that time, they were promoting the upcoming retreat on August. I wanted to attend but circumstances didn't allow me to. I was going to start my new job that same month and it would be inappropriate for me to take a leave right away. I also had the wrong perspective about a Christian retreat which involves baptism, like I don't want to dishonor my parents by rushing to that decision without them knowing.

Fast forward 12 months later to this year, the Monday of the retreat week, I celebrated my anniversary with B1G South. On that day, God made it clear to me why I wasn't at last year's retreat and why the upcoming one is such a BIG deal.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Since that night in my room when I opened my heart to Him and made Him my Savior, He proved His faithfulness to me. Little did I know in that  one year He was actually pursuing me. He courted me by leading me to B1G ministry, blessing me with amazing DGroup sisters and friends, He gave me the opportunity to read His word, He gave me a fulfilling job, He handled the hearts of my parents to give me their blessing in this walk of faith, and so many more answered prayers. Looking back I am humbled by His graciousness upon me. He totally did the opposite of my previous relationship. As a girl being pursued, I really made the effort to look pleasing to Him. But I always end up questioning myself if I am doing enough. I still feel ashamed of the sins of my past. I was trying so hard but I always felt discouraged because I know I don't deserve that kind love from an Almighty Father.

On the retreat, the first message was Father's love and this easily made me cry: "God is waiting to love you, to embrace you, to restore you." Isn't that amazing? Your Creator and Savior is just waiting for you with so much love to give and there's nothing you will ever need. (whew)

There are so many highlights in the retreat. All the messages changed and deepened my understanding of the gospel. The retreat washed all my fears as a sinner and filled it with HOPE. Love was all over the retreat. When I think of how God showed He loves me in that one year, I will not forget that He actually affirmed it on the cross when He died for all of us. That act is the most romantic gesture done for me, for all of us.

The concept of baptism was made clear to me. It was not a matter of converting religions rather it is a declaration of faith. It is like entering into a marriage wherein you publicly declared your commitment to someone. While I was going to the pool area, it seems like I am walking down the aisle; fellow participants were gathered and cheering to show their support; and as the officiators asked you questions if you are ready to commit, I also heard Him say I do. As I immerse in water, I entered a relationship with someone whose love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.. <3>

So now after a year, He has proven to me how I should love and be loved. I already feel valued and worthy. But this is just the start. Now that I have this burning desire to make Him known, that very day He became my partner in this walk. "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:19)

This is my testimony, just one out of the hundreds of wonderful stories of lives transformed during the retreat. A person can get saved even if he just heard about the gospel during the retreat, for some it might take months or years, nonetheless, it is only by God's grace through faith that we are saved. I find peace in Him knowing He has written billions of stories unique to each of us - all with His love written all over it.

To end this, I believe it is God's love that works mysteriously. He made a way for me to take part in the promotional video of the retreat wherein my role was the depressed one, "walling" and crying (so far from what happened). Then, I was given a moment again on the post-retreat video wherein a clip from my baptism was part showing how joyful I was (even if I still think I look silly there). Praise God for all these!

B1Gsouth True Life Retreat 2015 from Kc Cheng on Vimeo.
3 Days of great and spirit-filled experience.

CONNECTED

Have you ever felt disconnected from anything in your life? No matter how busy, or how full your schedule is in a day, you still feel empty? Emptiness from within? That kind of longing for something not in this world, but of something supernatural. Do you feel the same way I have been feeling?

Last year when I became a Christian and decided to strongly walk by faith, my life indeed turned upside down in a very wonderful way. Since then I always have that sense of fulfillment, which I have searched for the past 24 years. But it doesn't imply my life is perfect, because still every waking day I feel ashamed of being a sinner who is unworthy of a love who died on the cross. It is simple to be a Christian but it is definitely difficult to be consistent every day and in every situation in this world. 

The previous month I had an opportunity to be part of something GRAND, to launch the newest development of our company. It's indeed the highlight of my hotel career, wherein I was pushed to my limits - physically, mentally and spiritually. I was going home very late (that I mean 30 minutes before 12 or often past midnight), then going early to work the following day. It was really exhausting, to say at least, but unbelievably I made it through the toxicity. By the time of the executions or actual days of events, I am surprised of still having the energy to deliver what is in the plans and perform the expectations. I have to give huge credits to my team who has an incredible passion and discipline at work that immensely inspires me. But the due credits were not properly given to the one who deserves it. My negligence is to blame. 

Yes, I do my morning prayer on my way to work, however I sleep through my evening devotions. I even skip my bible reading with an excuse that it's already 2 o'clock in the morning. In that month was also our church's mid-year prayer & fasting week which is a huge challenge for me who needs a lot of food intake and sleep in those times. But God's timing is so perfect that it was scheduled right after our 2nd event and will end before the next huge events. Though until now, I am in deep regret of how unproductive my fasting was. I slept through my prayers or made my intentions very quick so I can already go to sleep. My prayer items were not clear and I was so distracted that I wasn't able to ponder on His words. There, I felt detached from again my faith. 

Now that the whole grand launch events are done, I decided take a break to clear my mind, and the first person who came across my mind was God -the one that made who got me through everything. The one who gave me an undeniable strength, who kept me safe on my way home, who protects me from temptations, who gives me wisdom in every decision, and who allows me to succeed in my ways. (Philippians 4:13) Reflecting on how He worked in my life in those times, I felt so ungrateful that the credit was unduly given.  

Yesterday during our singles' bible study, our ministry head made a good point: there's no such thing as busy, we just don't consider some other things our priority, lest, we couldn't make time for it. Exactly how the previous weeks have been for me. Sadly I placed God at the bottom of my list, who on the other hand, has never failed me. His work is perfect, and His ways are justice (Deuteronomy 32:4)

I badly want to make up for it. Though the big question is HOW. So read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, to pray without ceasing, to give thanks in all circumstances, for that is the will of God. How simple is His favor from us, right? Although, as I earlier said, it's not always easy. This coming weekend, I will be joining my first Christian retreat where I plan to declare my faith through baptism. With what I have just been through, I am feeling discouraged if I am doing it for with the right heart. I even plan on fasting again to be intimate with Him. Then, I realized this retreat is His answer to me - a 3-day encounter of 100% focus of learning and worshiping Him alone. Our retreat title is very relevant - TRUE LIFE, for a first timer like me who continually stumbles in my faith and who needs to get their priorities straight. 

In ending, if someone feels the same miseries above, it is because we are not one with our Creator, the one who gives meaning in our lives. Whoever is lost will be found by the Lord. There is HOPE and I am forever holding onto my ONLY HOPE who has given me true life. 

John 15:15 Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing

PAIN DEMANDS TO BE FELT

This overused quote from John Green's best selling novel, Fault in Our Stars, just hits the bull's eye. Such feeling causes someone to shout, cry, break down and so on. It just needed to be out there. While some keep the hurting inside, it still becomes visible at some point and ways. And, when it becomes unbearable, brushing it away seems so hard. What's worst, when the pain crippled your self-worth, it shall forever haunt you.

As my best friend clearly said, oftentimes pain never gets healed, we just get used to not feeling it. So when a snap from the past visits the mind, you are entirely taken back to that painful moment. It doesn't matter anymore, definitely not, but it always makes you wonder how you deserved such pain.

This morning, I received a message from my friend of my ex's stupid, racist and hypocritical post on Facebook. He mocked the settlement demanded by the parents of a transgender killed by an American soldier, pointing that she is "stupid" and worth nothing. Well, my friends are law students and are serious human rights activists to make this a big deal. Setting the hatred aside, he really did a low blow there. When you have nothing wise or nice to say, it's best to keep it out of social media or you get slapped on the face by your own stupidity. 

I have never heard of him for months, though I am not surprised of his jerk actions, I loathe to be associated as his former lover. (bitter? lol) Then again, it happened. No amount of regret would turn back time. Sucks. It made me wonder how my Lord allowed me to fell for his kind. The same day in Sunday service, I heard God's answer to me, of course He never willed to hurt me rather He gave me will to make my decisions. I am to blame for committing myself into a sinful relationship. The fact is, He pulled me out of it and has guarded my heart ever since. How amazing is His grace. SUPER! 

I won't lie that that heartbreak still haunts me. There's nothing left in my heart for him, and that anytime or anywhere I would see him, I can confidently say I despise him. Maybe my heart still has an open wound because no one has filled it with the right kind of treatment / love I HOPED for. 

I want to do all things to escape the pain - I have been doing everything actually. I am keeping my grips tighter until the day someone holds my heart the way I am praying for it.

24TH

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride" - Ecclesiastes 7:8

Remember those highschool days when you have a favorite number? You tag it as your number for your crush or jersey number, you celebrate that day in the month, and claim almost everything you see with it. That's how 24 meant to me. I already forgot how I started liking it but I loved it so much that my friends associate me with it until now. Reaching that age number, I never thought it would mean something also.

In my 24th year, I am at my happiest, bravest and mature-self. It's been a serious struggle going to this year. As my best friend perfectly described: "ginapang ko talaga". It is true that those things you worked hard has the more weight. I have told so many times the dark times I had in the past year, which remains clear to remind me the lessons I learned from it. On that 365-day journey, I have experienced the worst but received the best treasure - a renewed relationship with the Lord. There was a time I thought why did I have to sin so much and stray away before I become a faithful person. Then, I saw clearly His plan for me. I got all the freedom to enjoy my youth and be vulnerable, and so when I'm at my lowest, I seek for the only salvation in Him. The outpouring joy I am feeling is outpouring even if I don't have the "worldly-bests" (specifically, a relationship HAHA), I am at peace with what I already have right now. And in the empty spaces, I learn to be more patient and trusting.

Though I always feel like I look so young (I get that a lot) for my age, I am actually owning this quarter-life phase. I have the liberty to decide for myself. It took me awhile but now I already have a vision for my future - of where or how I want to be. Also, I am at a great shape physically, mentally and emotionally. It may not show, but I have grown maturely to stick with my priorities.

Just to share the wonderful birthday celebration I had. I never expected the tremendous love from my colleagues at Marriott, especially from my Marketing Communications Team. They took an effort to put up a surprise on my work desk before I arrive early for work. They also prepared for my cake, party poppers, gifts and sweet dedication card. To my secret admirer, Tin Lardizabal, for the most beautiful bouquet I have ever received. It was delivered anonymously to the office but I knew it was her from the start. Oh, those things you dreamt a lover would do. HAHA. Shoutout to my sweet friends for their tear-jerker messages, it touched my heart. I completed the celebration with an intimate dinner with my parents and closest friends. It's been awhile since I had my parents with me on my birthday, that's why this day was such a meaningful one. And, to give back in the simplest way was the cherry on top. Again, a huge thank you to everyone who remembered and send their well wishes to me, especially to those who loves me truly. You make my existence purposeful.

I don't know if this will be the best year, because I learned that is not how you should see life. Though, I vow to make the most out of my days. At this age, I am committing to walk straight in the path of Christ. I have always loved life and now I have fallen madly in love with its flaws and assets. 

THAT THING CALLED..

In my desire to write something for Valentine's last year, which could have been my first ever love day with someone special, but turned out to be a total wreck. I dreamt of bouquet of red roses, candlelit dinner and romantic gazes, but I woke up to screaming, bad breath from the kebab food and a relationship falling apart. A year after, it still is traumatic for me. Every single person, especially those who just got their hearts broken, dreads this so-called "love month." But I swear I don't. I will forever be a fan of a celebrated love - mad, genuine and shouted one. So yeah, I am not bitter this year to clear my point. *haha*

Who wants to be lonely? NOT ME. Noone. I suppose. I like being alone of having my own space and time to escape from the stress. But lonely is a desperate feeling of longing and ends up failing. There I find the importance of Valentine's Day in our calendars because it reminds everyone how blessed life is having a partner with you.  Not having a romantic partner made me a single prepared last week. I went to see my friends back in my former work, baking at my friend's house, went to an orphanage with friends, and attended our Saturday singles' ministry. These activities, of course, taught me that I am exempted from loneliness..

1. I kept great friends from my former workplace I can run to anytime.

2. Exploring a hobby, that interested me for so long, is possible with a help from a friend.

3. I don't have any excuse to ever think that I am lonely and left out, because these babies experienced such unknowingly yet shows the true meaning of HOPE. 

4. To have him is enough. I am never, ever lonely.

So this movie, That Thing Called Tadhana, has made a massive trend for weeks now. I have to say that it deserves all the rave reviews and blockbuster fame it is getting. If you think about it, it has a very simple plot, being that it is an indie film with modest setting and only two characters. That's the beauty of TTCT, and of all indie films, is showing real and unpretentious emotions without being complicated. Spot on. Cut-through. I really had a serious hangover about this movie that I couldn't stop talking about the "hugot" lines and scenes! It was very relatable like hearing yourself on the big screen because at some point in our lives, we have said their lines. Those painful lines that may sound funny now, but actually, aches deep down when recalled.

Many has spoken about the tragic heartbreak side of the movie. Of getting yourself hurt big time and wanting to forget about it as soon as possible. Felt that too. I want to dig deep in the dramatic scenes and "hugot lines" of the movie because there are so many good ones, though with my Vday realizations, this movie fits what I learned. Broken hearts go where it is not lonely. The journey of hurting, healing and moving on is done with someone. It may be a family, friend or someone new. Looking back on my own experience, I am grateful to have tons of lovely hearts beside me in those dark days. 

I may haven't waken up from to that romantic hearts day dreams of mine. It remains a deep, HOPEFUL desire. Every day or moment gives us an opportunity to create new memories to cover up for the previous one. 12 months later, I have proven that I got over the trauma. I can now sleep again in peace in the HOPES of waking up to a better one with someone in the perfect time. 

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same twice" - F.Scott Fitzgerald.

MT. BATULAO

2015 Goals: Climb 2 mountains - 1 down! \m/

February started out remarkably because of this hiking adventure. Since my climb at Pico de Loro last year, I felt very inspired to be more adventurous. There are a lot adventurous activities but there is this overwhelming fulfillment I found in the mountains. It is frightening, physically risky and dangerous, hence, one must be fully fit, unafraid and prepared for the uncertain. So, if you are able to do it - you deserve huge kudos!

The long hours of hiking is made even more difficult by your heavy bag, steep and slippery slopes, and heat. Then, your reach the highest peak to stay for only an hour or less, then go back down again for the same long, difficult hike. One will ask: is it worth it? For me, absolutely.

First, you get to see the beauty of God's creation that only few can. It is both a privilege and a blessing to be physically capable to do such thing. It is true that the view from the top is better - on the context of seeing nature unexploited. Second, you feel nothing but proud about yourself. After all the struggles, even if you thought about quitting countless of times, but you never really did stop. The motivation and extra hand from your friends was a big help, but you get the major credit for all of it. Without your determination mixed with personal strength, it would not be possible for you to finish it. The thought of accomplishing something difficult is really fulfilling. 

I felt the same thing on my 2nd climb experience at Mt. Batulao. The trail was completely different from Pico de Loro - Mt. Batulao's is open, narrow and a lot of going up and down. I find it more challenging because aside from scary high abyss on both sides, you have to fight through the strong winds and soil dust hitting you. There time you don't have anything to hold on to, so you have to keep a strong ground. It was a first for me to do rope rappelling.

Though, for me, no adventures are the same. We organized the climb on our own instead of paying a travel group. I highly recommend to do it that way because it is WAY CHEAPER - I spent less than Php 500 on this. Luckily, we knew a pro mountaineer, Karl Serrano, who was our climb hero. I went with my high school best friends Tin and Mikka, then invited a college friend, Kandis; also, Karl invited his officemates to join, making us a huge group. As much as I enjoyed my solo trip two weeks before, it is more wonderful to share an adventure with close friends. You get to replace the struggles with humor and you feel totally safe. 

But there was one thing I learned about myself on this one, it is that I have trust issues! A little on myself but more on others. This kind of adventure made me believe in myself more, however, there are still instances, even if I see others doing it so easily, when fear strikes, it takes a lot of self-convincing before I take the jump. More so, trusting my life to others. I found it hard to be dependent when someone says "give me both your hands." I never give it on the first persuasion. So, I start to think that this rooted from the previous betrayal done to me. But actually, I don't find anything wrong with it. It just proves that I have learned my lesson to be more cautious on people and their motives. I proved that I am becoming more independent, not introvert, and faithful to noone but the Higher Being alone. 

It is just the second month of the year yet I have achieved pretty much a handful meaningful goals. 2015 has been treating me nicely. I am even more excited to unravel what's next. Though I told myself that I am taking this year a day at a time. I am now looking at life on the perspective of living in the moment and letting the daily current take you away. 

Next up?

JE NE SUIS PAS CHARLIE

I guess everyone knew about the recent Charlie Hebdo terrorist attack in Paris that made global headlines and elicited so many opinions from everywhere. "Je suis Charle" became trending as a way of showing support in condemning terrorism. It may have not happened in our country but it sure is the concern of the entire world. Surprisingly, I saw myself tuning in to CNN & BBC on wee hours just for updates on how or where it will all end (which resulted to a broken TV after 2 days). 

There are so many issues encompassing the incident, though I will focus here on is Freedom of Speech - that was also triggered by the recent Bottomline episode in ABS CBN hosted by Boy Abunda. The discourse began on a broad view of what happened, then led to a hardcore debate about freedom of speech. Since they invited guests like  a human rights activist, a seasoned lawyer and a journalism professor, definitely there was a clash of ideas. And by the end, they were divided to two: one who supports the publication, and the skeptic. I tried hard to listen to every guest's arguments, each citing provisions and examples as their basis. 

Bottomline: I am not Charlie. I am for ethical journalism.

With lack of law knowledge, I am not really the best person to say my opinion on this (claiming it already). But hey, I have my freedom of speech, right? 

Freedom is a very complex word as it denotes exemptions and no restrictions. Such thing is subject to each person's interpretation. For me, freedom of speech / expression is an abused and abusive right. Why? Because it's an excuse to everything (just like what I did above). And I find it very silly. Don't get me wrong. I hold dear my every right as a person, as citizen to this country. My freedom of speech/expression is something important for me, though isn't that when you are given something, for free or without any cost, you should be modest on how you will use it. That's why I am for RESPONSIBLE JOURNALISM as how the professor explained it. 

He said, responsible journalism is guarded by ethical standards. It is having a clear eye on what is right from wrong, and choosing the right over the wrong. True: identifying what is moral or immoral is highly subjective. So, as they say, I have all the means of being what I want to. No question, I am on that idea. That is our freedom. As much as we have our personal beliefs, that doesn't give us the freedom to question others, more so to mock them. Why? Simply because it is theirs, not ours. That's why dispute starts, we focus too much on criticizing than respecting. Why can't we live in our own nutshells? 

And so the activist questions (as always), where is freedom of speech if journalism is restricted? It is not restricting, it is having a sense of responsibility. What grown ups clearly know of. I believe writers / media are given those skills for purpose and I am pretty sure it is not to harm others. RIGHT? So the activist will say, they are there to spark arguments. So I ask, that will lead to? Never ending arguments still. Is that the kind of situation we want - pure of thought battles? Because we all know it doesn't solve anything, nor for one side to concede. I stand for responsible journalism that stands for his / her opinion. That's why I am not Charlie, I clearly don't get the point of mocking others for the pleasure of "because I can". 

Isn't our (the world) goal to have peace? Yes, it is! Positivity may not be enough now, but it's nice to believe it will happen. In my opinion, it will happen if we focus on protecting our own rights rather than destroying others. The world may never unite but we may live in peace with supreme understanding of each other. It is so ideal but very simple. 

So there, I practiced my freedom of speech - responsibly. 

TRAVEL SOLO - CHECK!

“The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life” – Agnes Repplier

Bucketlist #20 Travel Alone – CHECKED!

Never did I expect for it to happen this year or anytime soon. Though what I am sure of is that I will travel a lot this year. Oh well, life’s circumstances are very unpredictable, and I am not complaining.

How did it happen?

Last month, when a special non-working holiday was announced for January 15 to 19 (5 days off!!!), I instantly psyched myself that I will go on a surfing trip. It’s been a year and a half since my last surfing trip. Let’s just say that my love for it grew because I found my “first love” on the waves and it has been our “thing” together. So, when I had my first heartbreak, I also lost the drive on doing it often. I have moved on from my relationship, but I can’t seem to let go of surfing. I got stoked!

So, I immediately look for possible surf buddies. Within a month, there were already 4 cancellations. I thought the last one was a definite, but she backed out 2 days prior the trip. Thought about continuing deeply - of which you already know the decision. Technically, I wasn’t alone because I joined a travel group – Barefoot Travel. The thought of being alone in a far place only caved in when I was seated beside the driver. I had 5 hours (one-way) with no one to talk to (the driver wasn't that friendly). But the benefits of joining a travel group is everything arranged for you and all you need to do is enjoy the destination. When we got to Baler, I chose to exempt myself from city tours and have no itinerary at all. I was owning my "solo traveling" experience! 

How was traveling alone?

Liberating. I am used to being on my own most of the time, but being out of my comfort zone full of strangers gave me a deeper sense of freedom. Imagine enjoying a paradise at your own terms - isn't that fascinating? I felt more appreciative of my simple decisions like what to eat, when to sleep or where to hang out. I also felt more responsible of myself, my belongings and actions, like I matured over the weekend. Traveling alone really opens huge opportunity of meeting new people. Had good convos with my van-mates, lunch with the huge family of my roommate (i invited myself haha), a great food trip with my roomies, and late-night inspiring conversations with foreigners who are solo travelers too. I treasured the humble time I spent with locals, especially my surf instructors. Hearing the simple joys they get from the sport and living in the province is very inspiring. Of course, solo traveling leads to so many reflections. I used the sleepless journey to pray and ponder on things I might have ignored. t is really "quiet" yet relaxing to be a complete stranger too in a far place. Since being alone doesn't necessarily mean you are lonely, I realized that this trip was a great decision because I have my self + a beautiful place to complete me.

How did traveling alone changed you?

This experience re-affirmed my independent and fearless character. Just a few months ago, I began to enjoy and value my alone time that has developed my self-confidence. I believe solo traveling is the best therapy to find yourself, moreover, appreciate your worth. I also saw several things in a new perspective; like how I find solace in a place full of strangers, importance of friendships, and going places enriches one's soul. My thirst for more travels intensified, so on chances of doing it again, I will say YES definitely.  

Surfs and heads up! Here's to more meaningful trips - with or without companion :)

JUST BEFORE THE LONG WEEKEND

My current job has nothing been but stressful, yet fulfilling. Let's focus on the "stress" part tonight. This isn't a complaint blog, rather I just needed a way to vent it. 

"I have never felt so stressed and drained in my life." - in my 5 months, I can no longer count how many times I have said that. It is not a negative kind of stress, though not positive at all times. "I love my job" - that I can say countless of times too. What I love about it is I am always challenged to my limits which is actually a great thing. I don't even know where to begin on listing down my scope of work. That's where stress comes in. The load of work is really overwhelming and I always motivate myself that I can perform. But when all deliverables from each scope are marked urgent, there is a possibility of me falling short. So, I get frustrated, discouraged and pressured.

This week, I really felt extremely stressed and drained. I just wanted to escape but I can't. I get to realized, with the work I have now, no matter how stressful you are, you need to keep working and make it work! Insert NOW. You try to take a breather, relax, indulge in food or get some sleep, but nonetheless you still have to face the same sh*t and finish it. 

Yesterday, it donned into me how lonely a single person can be. In times of despair, you have to search your contacts, deliberate who is the best person to share it, and then repeat the same thing to another friend when you are not satisfied with the first's. Unlike having a partner, who would be your automatic spongebob, and can effortlessly make you feel good again. Stressed and depressed. 

So, sometimes I wonder how much more can I push myself. What if I am really not THAT good to achieve what is expected from me? Can I handle more? Then, I remember the last word of the first statement in this blog: FULFILLING. It definitely is one of the best feeling - when noone questions your accomplishments because you worked hard for it, and it boosts your self-esteem even more. Thus, I hold on a little bit more.

There are more to come. It's just January. I still have 11 more months and a lifetime to deal with my career. How I love long weekends as it evens out the stressful days to worry-free days. 

Goodbye (for now) stress, off to enjoy my long weekend.