DEAR PIZZA

I have got my eyes on you for over 10 months, gushing about you for 5 months, praying about you for 3 months now, and trying to get by with a heartache of you the past 5 days. You are blameless. It was my qualities-I-am-looking-for that made me attracted to you and my lack of self-control to cause this heartbreak.

Did you know that before you admitted that you are praying for someone else, I was already weighing my emotions if I could be seriously falling for you? Not just a simple crush but going to that big word L-O-V-E. Despite that painful truth, you remained in my prayers and I am bringing this burden with me on my first solo international trip. Because I am still HOPING that someday I'll get to tell you how I enjoyed waiting for our story to unfold in His perfect timing. 

The Lord knows how much I tried to guard my heart. Every night I was begging Him to take away the attractions if it's not His will, but at the same time seeking patience if it should remain. So yeah, it's been quite a ride already and I am even willing to go with it for a longer haul. 

Again, never your fault that: a) your jokes were are so corny that I buy it; b) I really like cute, geeky guys; c) the way you naturally speak about God's word is a huge check; d) I never find your stories boring; and e) your strong conviction to make me ride the back seat is, still by far, the sweetest gesture a guy has done for me. Yes, every time you drive me home and I am at the back seat, I feel so protected and respected. You raised my standards in dating that I have been comparing others to you. Like wondering, what would Pizza do? Then, I think that I will appreciate it more if it was you. 

You have no idea how much I enjoy talking to you. Our conversations meant a lot. Nothing was senseless, all were interesting. You are that man I want to converse with at the end of the day - whom I can be open about and eager to listen to. And up until now, the emotions are the same. I find myself being your partner in serving the ministry.

I know God never wanted this heartbreak for me. In fact, I praise Him for this experience. After my first failed relationship (wherein I was not a Christian yet), His love became enough that my standards are His. I never wanted to have a crush on anyone that time. I was controlling my emotions because I am not ready for that commitment anytime soon.  However, for it to remain for a nearly year, I surely got my selfish HOPES so high. I maybe reading the signs the wrong way. (Oh, I have so many stories of what I thought are signs) 

Then again, I thank God for allowing this attraction because it brought me closer to Him. It made me so patient - to think patience is my biggest struggle. Waiting has never been this romantic for me. I love praying about you or for "God's best" to come along. It assured me of His omnipotence and faithfulness. That's a reason why I am excited to be alone with God in this week-long trip. To turn away from distractions and focus only on Him.

It may or may not be you, only God knows; you may be my answered prayer or someone else's, I won't mind actually; this may be one of those "love stories that never happened" or it may actually end happily ever after; nonetheless, Pizza will forever be my favorite go-to food and yours too, right? That connection will remain special to me even if I can only take the back seat.

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

GOSSIP IS STEALING

And stealing is a SIN, and sin hurts not just others but GOD.

I guess we all know what gossip is and, HOPEFULLY, know that it is no good. What I discovered when I became a Christian is how serious gossip is to be considered a sin. How? (this is fresh from the message in the Sunday Service awhile ago at CCF) Gossip is an act of stealing truth, and we are all commanded not to steal (Exodus 20:15). What I see as the struggle is identifying a gossip. Based on my bible readings, two things must be considered: intention and content. Just thinking of these two takes a lot of wisdom from the Holy Spirit. So, here goes a story of how my perspectives changed on gossip - and other things, because of grace..

Our intern had negative remarks about me (no need to share what it was) that she told to her fellow intern, who shared it to the Human Resource supervisor, who then reported it to my boss, and eventually came to my knowledge. The transition of the message happened in just a day. It was that fast. Honestly, I didn't expect that remark from her so I felt so sad (I'll tell why later). I had a heavy heart coming out of my boss' office, and I was hearing God calling me to be quiet in Him through prayer. Here are what I heard from God:

1. Live like a Christian. As in grounded, like God pulled me back so hard from my self-righteousness. This situation reminded me of my life purpose which is to live for His glory in all things I do - wherever and whenever. The workplace is definitely the biggest opportunity for me live my purpose since I spend most of my days there. My workmates, including this intern, were aware of how I am taking my faith seriously. I realized I was failing because I wasn't being a good testimony. I was so insensitive with my words and actions, not noticing I wasn't being a good mentor to this girl. I was so caught up with my own stresses that is affecting someone negatively. Definitely, a heart check moment but I still felt loved knowing God's love disciplines. He wants to keep me right on track in my walk towards Him.


2. Peace in putting God first. I have all the chance to share this story to my workmates and friends. I can make a huge deal about it actually. However, God called me to keep it between us. If it was the old HOPE, it would've been a big deal and our intern will be hated on. In that moment, the Holy Spirit tamed my tongue and cleansed my heart from any hatred. I was even compelled to talk to her and say sorry. The following day I confronted her to apologize and clear things out. This I tell you, the conversation was beyond pleasant! Since it was intentional and centered on Christ, there was peace in our hearts. I was spared from committing same sin that started the problem. Also, I was at peace having only God's voice in mind and speaking through me in our talk. No worldly, unsolicited advice from people who are imperfect like me. Now that everything is fixed, the incident becomes a testimony worthy of blogging.


3.  Be accountable to oneself. Of my words and actions like what I said in the first point. The main reason why I was sad because, knowing she's also an active servant of Christ, I had expectations that 1) she will never say or do such thing; and 2) we have this "secret understanding and connection" because of faith. But in the end,  I was only disappointed of myself. She definitely didn't mean harm to me. She was just honest about her feelings and got careless of how it came across when she shared it to her friend. We all stumble like that. So, I take full responsibility of what happened because it wouldn't have happened if I was thinking of point # 1 in the first place. And, why would I pass my duty of loving to others? I need to stand up to everything word and action because I am carrying Christ's name, which relates to obeying commandment # 2 - "You shall not take the name of the Lord God in vain." Exodus 20:7


4. Stop gossiping. There's nothing wrong in sharing emotions to family or friends. But always consider the intention. It is really important to have an intimate relationship with God to purify our thoughts, words and actions. See, there was no harm meant but, since it turned to a gossip, it came across differently. And if the reason why we confide our feelings with others is for comfort, then God is the ultimate comforter there is. (Psalms 34:8) Or maybe just to rant? Then the more it becomes unreasonable. There is definitely joy and peace with a clean heart.


This gossip incident definitely turned to be a blessing as I learned to value my relationship to God and others. Both the intern and I apologized to each other and closed in prayer. Words are deadly indeed, so THINK if what we are about to say is - Truth, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary and Kind. (learning from Sunday Service message)


Ephesians 4: 29 " Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."


All Him and for Him.