Here I am playing with those memories again
and just when I thought time has set me free
Just when I thought when my love story chapter with him ended, I would be lying to myself even more when I say I was not hurt. It was the situation I never expected to be in nor wanted to see, but I was stuck. Imagine: You're in between the guy you love and the girl he loves. You can't walk out, you can't cry, and you can't do anything about it. Yes, I can't walk out, cry and do anything about it. And when they separated, I was still there pretending not being there. It was so stupid of me to act that way. But how do you express pain when it doesn't even matter anymore because you have to heal it?
So there's no sense pretending
My heart is not mending
I don't want to be the villain. When I saw them ok, I know I have to accept and be okay with it. Actually, even if it wasn't his ex, I have to be ok with him being with someone else.
But I never promised to be happy with it. There's a big difference with being ok with being happy, I guess I can never learn to be happy for him when I know I haven't completely removed him from my system. I don't want to be unfair with them, especially with the girl, because I know she loves him way more than I do, but it really sucks to see them slow dancing and everyone is cheering for them. Actually, I wasn't able to see it in my own eyes, my chair was facing the other way - lucky me. But it still hurts the same, because I still can't erase the fact that they did dance behind my back - and it was captured in pictures which makes it even worse.
Just when I thought I was over you
Just when I thought I could stand on my own
Well, I have to be fair to myself even for once. I should be angry with him because he was mean the whole time. He was so rude for acting that way because I know he knows I was there the whole 4 day venture. That's what hurts me the most, that he didn't even took into consideration I was there. Oh, maybe they were so in love that they were in their own world. But my presence is overpowering to not even stop him. Or maybe, he really don't recognize what we had before, which for me was something special. If the second was true, I wish him all the karma in the world. It maybe too much to ask, but maybe respect will do.
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain
The whole awkward 4 cold days was a blessing in disguise. I think I had already deciphered why things was not working out right for me. All these time, I haven't felt disliked by him. When things would go wrong, it would be because we weren't the ones for each other. But there was still "you'll always be special no matter what" unsaid words. And that made me HOPED unconsciously, because he unconsciously makes me wait and feel worth something. That's what keeps me holding on and hurting every single day. Not until he says he doesn't like me - which he needs not to say anymore. BUT, I don't have to hear it from him anymore.
I just can't live without you
I miss everything about you
This just in, a wall post: "when I always see you, you seem very happy all the time." (Thanks!) Well, I have to be happy all the time because I have a great life and it would still be even without him. I don't want to make a hypocrite out of myself once again by saying I am moving on because I love eating - even my own words. He's a great guy and an illusion of my ideal guy. He is a huge thorn stuck and makes me bleed gravely. Atleast for now, I have to learn to stop the bleeding by believing someone deserves him more than I do. And BECAUSE I deserve more.
Here I Am by Air Supply
29 November 2010
07 November 2010
PANAHON
"PANAHON: EXPERIENCE TRANSISTIONS AND LIVE BEYOND EXPECTATIONS"
The HIGHLIGHT of my third year or should I say my entire college life. And I guess a lot of UST CTHM students would agree with me. Even though it is quite far from jobs offered in the hospitality industry, it is a great path that we could take after college. Aside from the fact that in this course we are able to be hands on, it has made us mature especially in decision making and dealing with people.
Writing a blog about this event was always been part of my to do lists. There were a lot things that had happened along our journey to PANAHON. We were probably the class that experienced a lot of heartbreaks and mishaps. Cheesy as it sounds, but by the end of every single day, PANAHON was a BLAST.
So because, I was such a busy bee, I wasn't able to sort of document all these ordeals. (And I don't really want this blog to be a diary, this will just be my shock-absorber/secret weapon). But here's an insight that I have been composing in my head since the controversial tragic postponement of our event.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our event is entitled "PANAHON: Experience Transistions and Live Beyond Expectations", which focuses on Seasons Tourism: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. As I was very much in love with our theme, we literally associated everything with FOUR. Every detail in our event should be seasons inpsired or be in four different categories. But the biggest comparison I could make is with our class being divided in the 4 roles they have played.
WINTER - season of snow, coldness, and ice.
One lesson I learned on people's personality is that, it's a faux that one could be opinionated in just a wink of an eye. A timid person will always stay that way even she decides not to and we are not to force them because it's not helping. They will grow and voice out, maybe, on their own ways and means. They are just the type of people who are used to keeping their opinions within theirselves because they are afraid of being criticized, rejected or they just don't care at all. Yeah, these people are just frustrating to deal with. Because this is a class endeavor, not a voluntary act, everyone has to voice out their opinions, but sadly some just wont. Even the most dramatic plea to them won't work. They'll be there sitting and listening and would make just a move when it's already a slap on the face. They are also the same people who just come and go like they don't care. Well who knows what they really feel, at least they were neutral in all the clash.
SPRING - season of bloom, beauty, and color.
There are just people born to be creative and intelligent. Their ideas are just awesome that they should be credited for it. In all the discussions, they'll be silent. But in the process, they're ready for action. No instructions are needed for them to do what is required. They define initiative in an organization. They might not be the people who we have worked hard, but surely their contributions added to the success. What I love about their work ethics- is having no excuses. It's initiative with humility that I admire.
AUTUMN - season of fall, breeze, and gloom.
Arguments are necessary in decision making, it gives you more options and would make the end product diversed. But it is not always healthy - trust me in this one. Backstabbing/front even, disloyalty, dishonesty, break ups - name it! Relationships were put to test in a very, very hard way. It is contradicting when we insist for people to speak up and yet complaining on nonstop arguments. That's the difference - NONSTOP. I don't know why, but there are really those who just open their mouth for senseless things. And after, feeling confident that "hey! I said my piece! Done." It really drowns all your energy and even if you have the best rebuttal, you just shut down. Waving the white flag first is not a lose, but it is recognizing that somethings are not worth it anymore - of time, convincing, and saliva. Learning when and how to shut up comes in maturing. And filtering what to take in and not is professionalism.
SUMMER - season of heat, sunshine, and feast.
And of course, a tale wouldn't be complete without the lead. Shockingly, there are still people who just simply have good hearts, that whenever you recall how things have torn apart but they stood their heads up, full of optimism. Everyone helped in this big project but you can't erase the fact that there those on top of the hardworking list. Their incomparable energy makes you pity yourself for taking those 15 minute power naps. Those smiles after a missed quiz while you complain for having few mistakes because you watched your primetime favorite. They still worry for the unfinished business while you celebrate for the success. I know it is never correct to own a group effort, but it is the due recognition that they deserve. Well in fact they don't ask for anything in return. Wallets have been zeroed and eyes have been circled, still no selfish "I did this on my own." I don't know what's the prope way of describing it, maybe it's total commitment. The thing they'd did not forget when they enrolled in the course alongside 45 blockmates. No mentioning of names, they know who they are, and I salute you guys!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We've got a year and a semester to take and to make more fond memories. People may still change in that span of time. As we look back on PANAHON, trying to remember all you've been through, sacrificed, and received.. I sure will have lots of awesome reminiscing to make :)
The HIGHLIGHT of my third year or should I say my entire college life. And I guess a lot of UST CTHM students would agree with me. Even though it is quite far from jobs offered in the hospitality industry, it is a great path that we could take after college. Aside from the fact that in this course we are able to be hands on, it has made us mature especially in decision making and dealing with people.
Writing a blog about this event was always been part of my to do lists. There were a lot things that had happened along our journey to PANAHON. We were probably the class that experienced a lot of heartbreaks and mishaps. Cheesy as it sounds, but by the end of every single day, PANAHON was a BLAST.
So because, I was such a busy bee, I wasn't able to sort of document all these ordeals. (And I don't really want this blog to be a diary, this will just be my shock-absorber/secret weapon). But here's an insight that I have been composing in my head since the controversial tragic postponement of our event.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our event is entitled "PANAHON: Experience Transistions and Live Beyond Expectations", which focuses on Seasons Tourism: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. As I was very much in love with our theme, we literally associated everything with FOUR. Every detail in our event should be seasons inpsired or be in four different categories. But the biggest comparison I could make is with our class being divided in the 4 roles they have played.
WINTER - season of snow, coldness, and ice.
One lesson I learned on people's personality is that, it's a faux that one could be opinionated in just a wink of an eye. A timid person will always stay that way even she decides not to and we are not to force them because it's not helping. They will grow and voice out, maybe, on their own ways and means. They are just the type of people who are used to keeping their opinions within theirselves because they are afraid of being criticized, rejected or they just don't care at all. Yeah, these people are just frustrating to deal with. Because this is a class endeavor, not a voluntary act, everyone has to voice out their opinions, but sadly some just wont. Even the most dramatic plea to them won't work. They'll be there sitting and listening and would make just a move when it's already a slap on the face. They are also the same people who just come and go like they don't care. Well who knows what they really feel, at least they were neutral in all the clash.
SPRING - season of bloom, beauty, and color.
There are just people born to be creative and intelligent. Their ideas are just awesome that they should be credited for it. In all the discussions, they'll be silent. But in the process, they're ready for action. No instructions are needed for them to do what is required. They define initiative in an organization. They might not be the people who we have worked hard, but surely their contributions added to the success. What I love about their work ethics- is having no excuses. It's initiative with humility that I admire.
AUTUMN - season of fall, breeze, and gloom.
Arguments are necessary in decision making, it gives you more options and would make the end product diversed. But it is not always healthy - trust me in this one. Backstabbing/front even, disloyalty, dishonesty, break ups - name it! Relationships were put to test in a very, very hard way. It is contradicting when we insist for people to speak up and yet complaining on nonstop arguments. That's the difference - NONSTOP. I don't know why, but there are really those who just open their mouth for senseless things. And after, feeling confident that "hey! I said my piece! Done." It really drowns all your energy and even if you have the best rebuttal, you just shut down. Waving the white flag first is not a lose, but it is recognizing that somethings are not worth it anymore - of time, convincing, and saliva. Learning when and how to shut up comes in maturing. And filtering what to take in and not is professionalism.
SUMMER - season of heat, sunshine, and feast.
And of course, a tale wouldn't be complete without the lead. Shockingly, there are still people who just simply have good hearts, that whenever you recall how things have torn apart but they stood their heads up, full of optimism. Everyone helped in this big project but you can't erase the fact that there those on top of the hardworking list. Their incomparable energy makes you pity yourself for taking those 15 minute power naps. Those smiles after a missed quiz while you complain for having few mistakes because you watched your primetime favorite. They still worry for the unfinished business while you celebrate for the success. I know it is never correct to own a group effort, but it is the due recognition that they deserve. Well in fact they don't ask for anything in return. Wallets have been zeroed and eyes have been circled, still no selfish "I did this on my own." I don't know what's the prope way of describing it, maybe it's total commitment. The thing they'd did not forget when they enrolled in the course alongside 45 blockmates. No mentioning of names, they know who they are, and I salute you guys!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We've got a year and a semester to take and to make more fond memories. People may still change in that span of time. As we look back on PANAHON, trying to remember all you've been through, sacrificed, and received.. I sure will have lots of awesome reminiscing to make :)
04 November 2010
BRUNO
A fact about me, I really don't like listening to mainstreams, mainly because I feel it's JOLOGS. (Jologs is a term that eventually evolved to Jejemons). Rarely do I appreciate newly released songs. And yes, when people have gone tired of listening to them, that's the only time I download them.
Enough of my musical perspective, because I'm currently LSS ( last song syndromeD). Shockingly with a still popular song by Bruno Mars (aka Peter Gene Cruz). He's a great artist and composer. His songs are really full of emotions and out of the ordinary, that are written just to have compose a song - which a lot of composers do.
"Just The Way You Are", I have to believe is just the sweetest song written by a man. Aside from the perfect arrangement, musicality, etc (which I think are awesome as well), it's just the song full of love. I mean, if Bruno Mars was my boyfriend, I wouldn't doubt his love at all. If he is in love, I would be totally convinced just by reading the lyrics.
And yes, to all the guys out there, this is the PERFECT song to melt a woman's heart. This song tells how perfect the girl, in every way, is to the guy. Right move to compliment the eyes, hair, laugh, smile, etc because those are some of the greatest insecurities of a girl. It's not just the compliments that I love with the song, but the commitment that lies beneath. In the song, the man is giving his commitment of love, but not just any ordinary love, but of TRUE love because simply the girl is perfect in his eyes just the way she is.
FINDS:
(1) I found this two ama.. wait for it.. ziiiiiiing Korean Australian girls on FB/Youtube :) Saw their Officially Missing You by Tamia Cover (love it!) and saw other video posts of their other covers.
TENEN! They're sooo great! Their voices are so soft and serene that give me goosebumps. OHH! I just wanna be their girl friend and hug them!!
(2) This lyrics of Just The Way You Are misled me big time! (HAHA) I was confused with "her nails" and the song sings "her lips". Just so I realized, it was a laugh to kiss someone's nails. LOOK!
http://www.directlyrics.com/bruno-mars-just-the-way-you-are-lyrics.html
Credits: Youtube :>
02 November 2010
AFFECTED
Agnes: 'di ba mahal mo ko? 'bat mo ko iiwan?
Pao: Hindi na ako sure kung yung pagmamahal ko kaya pa na magsama tayo..
TEARS..
Love is like an IQ test that noone can perfect. Noone can really understand why things happened, that's why people settle for "everything happens for a reason."
But I have an argument to start.
The dialogue above is what irritates me and just tickle the "what-the-heck" part of my brain.
There will always be one truth in love that I agree - LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR <3 (which contradicts the above statement)
---
Why do people, men most of the times, reason out that letting go is equaled to true love? Isn't that if you love someone, you will do anything just to be with that person? And that is why I clearly don't get the point of leaving someone you love because love is just ain't enough - BOO!
Love should be enough. It should always be. Because if it is not anymore, then screw the relationship, because it's just pure pretentions.
And isn't that, it sucks even more to be away with someone you love? (AHA!)
--
Hail to Agnes! Just the perfect question to smack a guy's player heart.
Hell to Pao! Your love can save the relationship it's just you who don't.
Credits: Til My Heartaches End Movie (2010)
Pao: Hindi na ako sure kung yung pagmamahal ko kaya pa na magsama tayo..
TEARS..
Love is like an IQ test that noone can perfect. Noone can really understand why things happened, that's why people settle for "everything happens for a reason."
But I have an argument to start.
The dialogue above is what irritates me and just tickle the "what-the-heck" part of my brain.
There will always be one truth in love that I agree - LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR <3 (which contradicts the above statement)
---
Why do people, men most of the times, reason out that letting go is equaled to true love? Isn't that if you love someone, you will do anything just to be with that person? And that is why I clearly don't get the point of leaving someone you love because love is just ain't enough - BOO!
Love should be enough. It should always be. Because if it is not anymore, then screw the relationship, because it's just pure pretentions.
And isn't that, it sucks even more to be away with someone you love? (AHA!)
--
Hail to Agnes! Just the perfect question to smack a guy's player heart.
Hell to Pao! Your love can save the relationship it's just you who don't.
Credits: Til My Heartaches End Movie (2010)
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