Mom: When will you get a job? I have plans already of staying in Qatar with your father. I am just waiting for you to have a job and be stable so I can start processing the requirements. It will only take me a month."
*silence*
Mom: Or if you want, come with me there? It's a good country with lots of job openings.
ME: NO.
Since that evening, there's not an hour that I didn't thought about - Mom leaving for Qatar. I am filled with negative emotions just by thinking about it. It is not just the thought of my Mom being away from me for the first time, but the other conditions that lies in the matter.
It's been 3 months of unemployment and I know my mom is quite disappointed with it even if she doesn't express it. I am too. I am bothered as hell! God knows how much I am trying and finding! And only He knows that this too kills my self-esteem. But He greatly knows I am still fighting harder than I thought I could.
I know I won't survive employment without my mom to help me with the requirements for work if needed. So, she is really waiting for me to get a job and then off she flies.
This is really a HUGE PRESSURE for me. My mom's desire and joy depend on me. How difficult could that be? I am not a good daughter but I am trying to be every single day. My mom has been the most selfless person in my life. Just looking at her every night when she comes home from work, I know she's tired. I want to carry on that exhaustion of hers and give her the well-deserved rest with my dad..
So, I am left with two options to end this agony.
STAY or LEAVE.
"HOPE, please stay."
Well, this is really what I want. Therefore, I have to find a work IMMEDIATELY. But the past three months hasn't been easy for me because if it was, I'd probably have a job right now. But why do I still want to stay?
Because for me, leaving means quitting. It only proves that I have lost HOPE - the only thing I have with me now. Patriotic as it sounds, but I want to prove that there is HOPE here in my country. I know there is. I want to prove to myself and to others, who have lost that HOPE, that I can survive here. And, I want to prove to everyone who has HOPE in me, that I can succeed right before their eyes.
There are a lot of things I still want to do here with my family and friends. A lot of places to discover, people to meet and love to find. I want to conquer this country first, before conquering other lands.
"Try it. Leave with me"
I wouldn't be so bothered like this if I am not considering leaving and working in Qatar. From what is in the news, yes, there are a lot of job opportunities in other countries. And Qatar has been one of the top choices. My dad has been working there since I was little. He already a house and car there. Quite stable and comfortable to call home someday.
I can't stop thinking: What if there is really something there for me? What if my HOPES will turn to reality there? What if I can find happiness there, eventually?
02 July 2012 6:15 PM
Another day passed by without any calls. Another day that is wasted.
This isn't just a matter of what I want now. It's a matter of choosing what you think is right - a decision I have to do quickly because the clock it ticking fast.
I am still undecided but I have to make a decision soon. But atleast for now, I have to wipe these tears away, stand up, find a job online or open a newspaper, try my luck, wait, and PRAY.
It definitely is!!! So, please hold on to me too? Make me stay..
"Baby, please don't go. If I wake up tomorrow will you still be there? Baby, please don't go, go, go.."
