HOUSE ARREST THOUGHTS

Time check: 21:30 pm

In other words: I spent 21 unproductive hours of resting to heal my excruciating headache. Approximately 18 hours lying on bed trying to sleep the pain off because standing up for an hour is nearly impossible.

Time check: 21:35 pm

I should be sleeping now because 1) the headache is still on and off, 2) staying up beyond 10 pm is considered staying up late, 3) I can't afford to not go to work tomorrow, and 4) I also can't afford being this unproductive. 

Yesterday, I was feeling super exhausted that I really don't want to get up which is different to I-need-to-not-get-up" feeling. I told myself how I wish I could stay in bed the whole day. And so the Pussycat dolls are singing and dancing up in my head, "be careful what you wish for cause you might just get it." I get it. 

I can't remember the last time I was this 'unproductive' or that I didn't step a foot outside, and I don't even have the urge to be stubborn as well to try. I feel like I was always out and about, hustling, grinding, and exhausting myself. And there are days that I complain about it, but only to realize that I should be blaming myself for pushing myself too much actually. I realize now how finite I am and an infinite God loves me so much to command me to rest - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So, I blog to elate myself a bit that I accomplished something. Despite the precious feeling of bumming around like a highschool kid, I am at an age that every minute counts and I'm constantly afraid of not making any count. The world outside my window seems still, but only because everyone is in their own jungles thriving to live for who knows the reason. I belong there now. However, what hits me is the impact I'm making when I'm out there. Am I serving my life's purpose? I am in the world but not of the world. (John 17:14). That's how it should be, Hope. 

A week has passed and I continue to wait patiently for that miracle. A miracle that would enable me to really balance rest and haste. 

Time check: 22:11 pm

The best 46 minutes of this day. Now I could sleep.

All from and for Him.

HELLO, 2 0 1 7!

Have you ever felt tired of writing down resolutions, but end up editing it only after a week has passed by - year after year? Aren't we all tired of impressing people, more than ourselves, of our standing-ovation-worthy goals? After a 12-month cycle, we fall in the same trap of not resolving anything. So, we do resolutions again and again and again. 

Trust me, I was a victim of this. I got tired. 

So, in 2016 I found myself just continuing my life. Letting God direct my life. I have life goals, but none specifically for the year. My perspective was, "Lord, lead me and surprise me!" Looking back, He shocked me with so many blessings (read more here). However, as I wait for 2016 to fade away like the fireworks on the sky, God's Word was banging loudly this verse to my ears.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also  will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-3

Fix my eyes on eternity and do things with eternal value. This is actually what we are called to do while we wait on that eternal life with God. But God impressed deeply in my heart to set my year with this in mind. So, I go back to the trap - not pointless, but worthwhile.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I was entrusted with a lot last year and I feel like I haven't responded excellently. And, entering my 2nd quarter in life (assuming I have 100 years to live), I have a lot to mature on. I am desperate to make my days count for God's glory. I don't know about you, but if the terrible, sickening news around the world doesn't push you down to your knees, then I rest my case for the future ahead of you. 

Thus, I unearthed my cork board and boldly wrote my goals for this year. 

(insert photo)

I understand how tiring it is to set goals and hope for better things every year. I feel you, bruh! But see God's promise on Colossians 3:4? That is where my hopes are. (YES, a new blog name indeed!) 

All from and for Him.

2016: IN REVIEW

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a littler; I will set you over much. Enter in to the joy of your master." (Matt 25:21, Parable of the Talents)

2016 started with God impressing in my heart about good stewardship of His blessings through the passage above in Matthew. This was our first devotional with my disciple and I even made a challenge for both of us that by the end of the year we will account what we have done with the treasures God entrusts us this year - which by the way we weren't able to do (fail!). I do felt bad with how I battled 2016 without goals, it was like I just continued a new day or month. Back then, I was so overwhelmed with God's movement in my life that I am ashamed of even asking. Looking back, I realized how important it is to set goals or account God's provisions, so you see His faithfulness all throughout and grow a grateful heart.

Little did I know God definitely entrusted me with SO MANY THINGS in 2016 - spiritually, material, recognition, relationships and even trials. Here's a quick round-up of it all:

Spiritually

Lead discipleship group, meeting weekly, with 5 members. Serve the Marketing ministry cluster that I am 100% joyful serving in. Volunteered as a facilitator in a retreat. Facilitate a workplace ministry, called Wednesday Crew, meeting weekly with an average of 8 regular attendees. Shared my testimony twice in my ministry and local church. Found my purpose of discipling and witnessing to people seeking for Him. 

- Everything is a PRIVILEGE to take part in building His kingdom on earth. I hope to be exhausted more doing these things. 

Materially

Purchased a personal car, Wimby, that allowed me to "pay-it-backward" as I remember those times I badly needed one, gave me great convenience, and it became my "war room" as I pour my heart to God in the middle of daily traffic. A new house with my family, not too fancy, but just enough for us and marks a new life and hope for us. Travel opportunities specifically in Taiwan that enriched my love for God's creation. 

- Yes, these materials things are fleeting but how it is being utilized is what gives its value. 

Recognition

Company performance awards for the quarter and year. Represented my company in the Mabuhay Awards - a nationwide recognition platform in the hospitality industry. 

- Gave me a new perspective on honor and made me fix my eyes on the Giver of the blessings. 

Relationships

Sisters in the discipleship group upline and downline. New found friends in the church and workplace ministry. Better relationship with my mom. 

- I felt God's love everyday because of these people, and as I've been called to love my neighbor, I look forward to growing the list people I love genuinely. 

Trials

Quarter-life crisis is on a confused long-term plan of where I see myself 5, 10 years from now. My biggest struggle, patience, was tested a lot - if not, everyday. Felt disconnected a few times due to my poor quiet time. Family feud and their resistance to share the same faith as mine. Exhaustion at work. Temptations that stepped on my convictions. 

- Finding joy in these times were definitely difficult, but with Jesus in me and how He used people around me, I got back on my feet and faith. 

People around me would always tell me how blessed I am - like I knew it already. Their assumptions are because I am prayerful, kind-hearted, and I serve God. This would go to my head but my heart tells me otherwise. Truth be told: It wasn't because of what I did, doing or will do but it was all because of God. I am sure to say that all the things - tangible or not, were because of God's goodness and faithfulness even to me who fail at times (Matt 5:45). That's what some may not understand when I say "it's all Him." But His great plans are simply happening in my life as a revelation of His glory. My obedience may result to evident blessings, but what few may know that I stepped on a lot of pitfalls. I stumbled here and there, and it's not because God isn't good of course. Those are blessings too as it stretched my faith so I can continue on the race with more endurance (James 1:2). Then again, to show His power and glorious deity.

Like any other year that passed, great memories are kept safely in my pocket, easily accessible if needed this new year. I am greatly blessed, but beyond than that, I am loved deeply. *tears* 

From my learning in 2016, I am excited to share my goals for 2017 which will be posted after the prayer and fasting week starting tomorrow. I want to align those with my Creator first. 

Lastly, to you who has been reading my blog posts, thank you for taking time or the interest at least to take a closer glimpse of my life. I am not hoping that you religiously read or comment, but if it tugs your heart then that's all that matters me. For you to know that there is me - who is going through the same thing as you, proving you are pretty normal and also loved deeply by a great God. 

All from and for Him.