I am your typical goody-two shoes kind of girl. I grew up in a conservative and sheltered family. We live an average life that motivated me to be goal-oriented at a young age. Youngest of two kids, whose older sister I was in constant conflict with. I am always pressured to be the "good daughter" because my sister was like the "prodigal one". I embraced these expectations that I turned to me to a model student people look up to, succeeding academically and in student affairs. In general, I feel like I was an "excellent person" that I deserve only the good things in life. But truth be told, I had dark sides: I got involved in homosexual relationships with my exposure in an exclusive girls school, cheated so many times and ways, blatantly disrespected my parents, and hurt countless of people.
Growing up, I know God as the Creator and Lord to whom we are supposed to pray to. Going to church, doing religious rituals and praying became mandatory at home and school, and not something I'd do joyfully on my own. And as I age, the more I knew less of God and do less of the rituals, thinking I am doing well in life.
Things started turning around when I graduated in college since school was my comfort zone. I was excited for it because it was like breaking free from all the pressure from my parents and live my life in my own term while proudly believing I'll be successful. But it didn't go my way. I had a hard time finding a job and eventually settled in a career that is totally out of my league. I started compromising my values and lived the opposite that people remembered me for. Although there were no drugs or vices, it's still a squandered life without any purpose or direction.
And the biggest compromise was my first relationship with my officemate. He wasn't my type at all and it was really just the ridicule from people around us that lured me to him. Add to that my year-long desire for a serious relationship, since I was NBSB then. I settled for the no-label kind of relationship, sacrificing my purity, and made him my world. My hopeless romantic self blinded me from the fact that we are not compatible even if we fought everyday. The relationship really suck everything out of me and I knew with him too. So, after a year, he broke with me on Facebook (by just changing his status). I felt the my world shattered. My parents weren't around, I was battling a broken relationship with my sister, I felt unmotivated at work because I still see him there, and basically everything was just crashing down on me. I was depressed for months that I always wonder how can someone simply hurt and leave me like that? Don't I deserve a decent break-up, or even more, a decent relationship? I felt ugly, pathetic, disrespected and worthless. I tried exploring many ways to recover - climbed mountains, go out of town, eat out (but still losing lots of lbs), and reinventing myself. All these to prove that I can do this on my own. But none of these work.
One of those consecutive nights of hopelessly crying in my dark room, I whispered like a prayer, "Lord, hindi ko na kaya. Help." Days after a friend of mine, Richel, who attends CCF, was going through a break-up and we would encourage each other. She invited me to one Sunday Service and there I met the real Jesus Christ of the Bible.
Looking back, at that time, I know I just met Him and not accepted. Although, I was already plugged in a Dgroup, striving to read the bible and consistently attending worship service, I still have doubts and hesitations. Doubts like: am I really saved by faith alone? I am such a dirty lady, how can I ever be forgiven? I feel out of place in this Christian community. I can't live this "clean" life always.
But God is a God who pursues. He pursued me for a year, slowly showing me the abundant life He promised. He blessed with a career I am motivated at, He surrounded me with a spiritual family who was patient with me, and He fed me with irrefutable truths through His Word. He showed me the exact opposite of the worldly relationship I had - saying, how can you turn your back on Me? So, I didn't.
So in the True Life Singles retreat in 2015, I fully accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. There I realized the power of grace and I am indeed a new creation in Him. I committed my life to the gospel that I am a sinner bound for hell, but God sent His only son Jesus to die for all our sins and resurrected after 3 days.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God." Galatians 2:20
Since then, my life has never been the same. It's not struggle-free and I'm not sin-proof, but I have this joy, peace, love and all the other things God promised that an abundant life has (John 10:10). This blog is only a glimpse of how "terribly" lost I was before Christ in 2014 and my pursuit to make Him known from that day forward.
All from and for Him.
And the biggest compromise was my first relationship with my officemate. He wasn't my type at all and it was really just the ridicule from people around us that lured me to him. Add to that my year-long desire for a serious relationship, since I was NBSB then. I settled for the no-label kind of relationship, sacrificing my purity, and made him my world. My hopeless romantic self blinded me from the fact that we are not compatible even if we fought everyday. The relationship really suck everything out of me and I knew with him too. So, after a year, he broke with me on Facebook (by just changing his status). I felt the my world shattered. My parents weren't around, I was battling a broken relationship with my sister, I felt unmotivated at work because I still see him there, and basically everything was just crashing down on me. I was depressed for months that I always wonder how can someone simply hurt and leave me like that? Don't I deserve a decent break-up, or even more, a decent relationship? I felt ugly, pathetic, disrespected and worthless. I tried exploring many ways to recover - climbed mountains, go out of town, eat out (but still losing lots of lbs), and reinventing myself. All these to prove that I can do this on my own. But none of these work.
One of those consecutive nights of hopelessly crying in my dark room, I whispered like a prayer, "Lord, hindi ko na kaya. Help." Days after a friend of mine, Richel, who attends CCF, was going through a break-up and we would encourage each other. She invited me to one Sunday Service and there I met the real Jesus Christ of the Bible.
Looking back, at that time, I know I just met Him and not accepted. Although, I was already plugged in a Dgroup, striving to read the bible and consistently attending worship service, I still have doubts and hesitations. Doubts like: am I really saved by faith alone? I am such a dirty lady, how can I ever be forgiven? I feel out of place in this Christian community. I can't live this "clean" life always.
But God is a God who pursues. He pursued me for a year, slowly showing me the abundant life He promised. He blessed with a career I am motivated at, He surrounded me with a spiritual family who was patient with me, and He fed me with irrefutable truths through His Word. He showed me the exact opposite of the worldly relationship I had - saying, how can you turn your back on Me? So, I didn't.
So in the True Life Singles retreat in 2015, I fully accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. There I realized the power of grace and I am indeed a new creation in Him. I committed my life to the gospel that I am a sinner bound for hell, but God sent His only son Jesus to die for all our sins and resurrected after 3 days.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God." Galatians 2:20
Since then, my life has never been the same. It's not struggle-free and I'm not sin-proof, but I have this joy, peace, love and all the other things God promised that an abundant life has (John 10:10). This blog is only a glimpse of how "terribly" lost I was before Christ in 2014 and my pursuit to make Him known from that day forward.
All from and for Him.
