FEAR

I fear BLOOD
I fear BETADINE
I fear INJECTIONS
I fear HOSPITAL
I fear the DARK
I fear taking MEDICINES
I fear GHOSTS
I fear DEAD PEOPLE
I fear HEIGHTS
I fear being HURT
I fear WOUNDS
I fear WILD ANIMALS
I fear INSECTS
I fear DOCTORS

I fear A LOT.


I AM A COWARD. I know that for sure. I call myself brave in a sense I am not afraid of standing up for myself and for others. In that aspect, you can count on me. Other than that, you'll see me running and screaming for my life.

I AM A PARANOID. Strange people with strange things on strange situations creeps me out. I just don't know why or how, but I panic and cry.

I AM PHOBIC. I don't know what's my problem, but I have a lot of weaknesses.


Now, I AM BEING STRANGE. I really fear a lot of things especially medical-related things. My doctor godmother assumed it is because my immune system is weak, that I could not stand pain. It is ironic that I fear being hurt but I also fear being cured. Maybe because I over think that I am in pain, and I'll be forever in pain.

It is the what-if's that overshadows me whenever I am about to be cured. What if it is not effective? What if it would be much more painful? What if it can't be cured after all? What if I'll die?

that's it, I FEAR DEATH.

I fear DEATH because I LOVE LIFE. For the sole reason, I don't know how is it being dead. And, nobody can ever tell to me how is it. Moreover, a lot would prove to me how lovely is it to live life. Right? So, I'll stick to what and where I am now. -Logical? Uhuh!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So why blog this?
Because tomorrow will be a BIG FEAR DAY for me. I am experiencing back pain for a week and I just peed with blood yesterday, and it is not my period. Scary? Very much. Back spasm? UTI? Kidney stones? Scoliosis? I DON'T KNOW. Whatever it is, I AM SCARED.

I am too scared right now that I have been crying myself to sleep, I have been asking my friends' support, and I have been googling those possible illnesses mentioned.

I am scared to step in that Health Service door and face a doctor and let her discover the REAL thing.

If it is serious, pray for me. If not, pray for me still because my back still hurts.



"Face your fears, live your dreams"
--So, easy to say but hard to live. I say, I will never try to overcome my fear because it is never part of my dream. I have sketched my dreams already, and those fears were never part of it.


P.S.
If you'll advice me to overcome them, I am telling you, you'll fail. I suggest just sympathize with me, it'll be much appreciated.

SAVED

I wake up early - earlier than the rooster.

I travel MILES to school.

I go to class and learn, because I have to.

I go to my office and work during my supposedly "BREAK."

I run from buildings to buildings for work.

I go up and down the stairs for like...10x day?!

I never stop texting.

I answer questions, most are silly questions!

I have meetings everyday.

I argue with my colleagues everyday.

I go home late that our subdivision gate closes.

I don't eat dinner because I would lose my apetite.

I directly go in front of my laptop.

I check my FB - for work again.

I study after doing my workssss.

I sleep for an hour or two.

THEN BACK TO WAKING UP EARLY.



This is sacrifice. This is passion. This is leadership. This is responsibility.
It is burdensome. It is difficult. It is tiring. It is exhausting.

I know I can still manage and get by this daily routine. I am feeling weak physically and I am feeling sickness calling me to go to bed. But I have to be strong, and I am trying to. I need help, an extraordinary help. I may have friends for entertainment. I may have my family for support. I may have my colleagues for help. But these are not enough..


I think, I NEED A SUPERHERO. save me please?