As my best friend clearly said, oftentimes pain never gets healed, we just get used to not feeling it. So when a snap from the past visits the mind, you are entirely taken back to that painful moment. It doesn't matter anymore, definitely not, but it always makes you wonder how you deserved such pain.
This morning, I received a message from my friend of my ex's stupid, racist and hypocritical post on Facebook. He mocked the settlement demanded by the parents of a transgender killed by an American soldier, pointing that she is "stupid" and worth nothing. Well, my friends are law students and are serious human rights activists to make this a big deal. Setting the hatred aside, he really did a low blow there. When you have nothing wise or nice to say, it's best to keep it out of social media or you get slapped on the face by your own stupidity.
I have never heard of him for months, though I am not surprised of his jerk actions, I loathe to be associated as his former lover. (bitter? lol) Then again, it happened. No amount of regret would turn back time. Sucks. It made me wonder how my Lord allowed me to fell for his kind. The same day in Sunday service, I heard God's answer to me, of course He never willed to hurt me rather He gave me will to make my decisions. I am to blame for committing myself into a sinful relationship. The fact is, He pulled me out of it and has guarded my heart ever since. How amazing is His grace. SUPER!
I won't lie that that heartbreak still haunts me. There's nothing left in my heart for him, and that anytime or anywhere I would see him, I can confidently say I despise him. Maybe my heart still has an open wound because no one has filled it with the right kind of treatment / love I HOPED for.
I want to do all things to escape the pain - I have been doing everything actually. I am keeping my grips tighter until the day someone holds my heart the way I am praying for it.
