Is just a lonely word. But for others, or maybe just me, it is comforting. The feeling of being all by yourself can either be crazy or calm. You only hear the voice of your own thoughts, you go where your eyes pull you, you do what satisfies you and you feel every emotion you seek for.
"I want to be alone" - selfish and brave.
You block those who want to be there for you and those crap. You only satisfy yourself in that moment and noone should even care. You can leave anything and get everything. It is an escape, it is a trap.
You get lost in a strange place and try to survivor. You are making a stand. You are your own protection. You get comfort from your inner positivism. You push and pull yourself in decisions. You see your best and worst. It is acceptance, it is temporary.
We all have our burdens to carry and sorrows to face. Some are too heavy. There is always a choice to make: to escape or to face it? to solve it or let it pass? to cry or to be positive? to be with someone or be alone?
Choosing to be alone is not automatic. It just happens out of selfishness and bravery. I could swear, if I could choose to not be alone - I would. I love a great company. But still I leave. Leaving where the problem is and find my own peace without being in debted.
I cant find the right words to explain and contain my emotions right now. I feel so down in every aspect of life. And even love, is not enough for me or just not for me. It sucks. I suck. Suck!
Now that I am all alone, I find myself blogging in my comfort place. Realizations pass by so quickly. Regrets slowly kill me. Best and worst get a clearer comparison. But entering the familiar again is still scary. I still dont know if I can keep up to my decisions and if my actions will be right and enough.
I am not a loner. Noone ever wants to be one. God and society wont let it. I am just troubled soul, weak and lost. That is why I want to save my ownself, fly away and be better.
Save me? Or leave me?
