"I have never felt so stressed and drained in my life." - in my 5 months, I can no longer count how many times I have said that. It is not a negative kind of stress, though not positive at all times. "I love my job" - that I can say countless of times too. What I love about it is I am always challenged to my limits which is actually a great thing. I don't even know where to begin on listing down my scope of work. That's where stress comes in. The load of work is really overwhelming and I always motivate myself that I can perform. But when all deliverables from each scope are marked urgent, there is a possibility of me falling short. So, I get frustrated, discouraged and pressured.
This week, I really felt extremely stressed and drained. I just wanted to escape but I can't. I get to realized, with the work I have now, no matter how stressful you are, you need to keep working and make it work! Insert NOW. You try to take a breather, relax, indulge in food or get some sleep, but nonetheless you still have to face the same sh*t and finish it.
Yesterday, it donned into me how lonely a single person can be. In times of despair, you have to search your contacts, deliberate who is the best person to share it, and then repeat the same thing to another friend when you are not satisfied with the first's. Unlike having a partner, who would be your automatic spongebob, and can effortlessly make you feel good again. Stressed and depressed.
So, sometimes I wonder how much more can I push myself. What if I am really not THAT good to achieve what is expected from me? Can I handle more? Then, I remember the last word of the first statement in this blog: FULFILLING. It definitely is one of the best feeling - when noone questions your accomplishments because you worked hard for it, and it boosts your self-esteem even more. Thus, I hold on a little bit more.
There are more to come. It's just January. I still have 11 more months and a lifetime to deal with my career. How I love long weekends as it evens out the stressful days to worry-free days.
Goodbye (for now) stress, off to enjoy my long weekend.
