Just few weeks ago, my heart had the strangest desire to MOVE OUT. As I ponder on it, it grew even more to just ignore. Then I had a vision of two scenarios: moving out of the house or moving out of the country. The initial scenario was not a practical decision, since I reside near my work, and I would want to save the cost of spending for my own place instead. The latter one seemed to be more than a sudden thought, rather a message from the Lord.
Praying and reflecting, I recalled how my relationship with God renewed last year. How He worked in me, to finally surrender everything and follow Him. I learned that God doesn't give signs; His words are clear, it speaks to you in different forms of blessings.
So, I was able to enumerate circumstances which could lead to possibly moving out. I may be known for being a severe over-thinker, but I know He was talking to me in all these circumstances. I could justify it all but publishing it might kill the momentum (HAHA), but I will vaguely go through some to make more sense.
First, last year made me more independent, by going to everyday living for myself and depending life only to God. I have proven that I can survive a day, doing chores (well, still except laundry), errands and work by myself. Next, the breakup which was probably one of the clear messages. I have blogged about it before that I had the option to go abroad with my mom last 2013, but I was too in love with my relationship which hindered it. So, when I got my heart broken, I learned one vital thing: to be less attached on people and things, but only with God. Also, I am such a clingy person, especially with friends, but I meet a lot of people from different places, that I felt more confident of never feeling lonely any time. Being less attached fired me up to being fearless. The next one I guessed would be the push factor, having a job in Marriott, which is an international brand. Actually, during my interview, when I was being told that Marriott opens a lot of doors of opportunity especially in different countries, and I got confused that I thought I was being hired in a hotel abroad - but not, just panicked. (lol). But then again, that career opportunity is a truth proven for years, which is smart step if considered. Next, I have shared that I had the toughest and darkest times last year. I am definitely fine now, however I know, I still need a fresh start. I am healed from the pain and fulfilled with my work, but deep down I am in a gray area. Actually , I have figured a few more revelations, but are quite petty that better be told a friend only. (wink)
When I felt it, I really got excited, but I knew it's something I need some serious thinking, because there are still loopholes: 1) Where do I begin? What's the first step? Still waiting for that opportunity because it's a no-joke kind of risk; 2) Am I really ready, in all aspects - physically, emotionally, and spiritually?; 3) Most importantly, what would be my purpose? I know this isn't a financial urgency to reason out work. And, not to live a little girl's "American dream" of sort. I am taking this maturely. And if it's God plan for me, it should be of a higher purpose, a Christ-like one.
This feeling has ruled over me as 2014 ended. Just starting the year, in our weekly Singles Ministry, a faithful attendance is part of 2015 goals, the message was beyond a coincidence. I wasn't suppose to go but I some urgency that I needed to be there. One of our ministry leaders, Bro. Nano, shared how God spoke to him about him leaving the country for work next month. Of all the topics, right?!? Was crying the whole time hearing his testimony, and felt inspired that God is speaking to me.
As I told two friends, who gave wise advice, I will make this year very productive. Making myself more competent, secured and worthy when that move is made concrete. I have so much in my plate this year, like I will be better in so many ways. Definitely, I want to leave the country, though I need firm steps to do that.
2015 really excites me. I have never felt this hopeful about a year - of discovering the mysteries of each day, then eventually unfolding the message by the end of the year. With desire, effort and faith, I will find that purpose.
