"Importante ka sakin Hope, ok?"
He said I was IMPORTANT. He said he would love to take good care of me. He said he would stay. He said he'll always be there for me. He said I was his ONLY HOPE. But he never said anything after that..
It's been days since we last talked. Actually a day, but I dont consider yesterday's a talk -- I texted, he replied, I replied, and then that was it. And it has been days that I have been bothered with our situation. If there is such a thing as US.
When he said I was important, I assumed. But who wouldn't? I like him. I really super mega to the nth power like him. So I held on to his words. I held on too much that I can't let go now.
--It has been 3 months since we had a connection and a lot had happened already. And I'm not in the mood to tell them all because what is happening NOW is what bothers me the most.
SEGUE: IMPORTANT
-im·por·tant (m-pôrtnt)
ADJECTIVE:
Strongly affecting the course of events or the nature of things; significant:
http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/important
Define busy, he is. I know he is busy. He is the UST-Central Student Council Treasurer. His position is no joke and I am completely aware of that. He is a 5th year Engineering student doing his thesis. And I know AGAIN that Engineering is a difficult course and making a thesis takes a lot of effort and time. He is a workaholic, as everyone would define him to be. And I like him for being who he is.
I know that it's a wonder for some why I would feel bad considering all that has been described about him. I know no one would really understand me when I say I am awfully hurt. So hurt that I'm crying while I'm typing..
Do you know the feeling when you are there for a person, patiently waiting, but he can't see you? You are waiting and giving a part of you but he declines? You are standing next to him but he would walk away? And he tells you, you are important?? And oh, that was through text..
We often see each other in school but we dont even say HI- he wouldn't even give a look. We are often staying in one place but we dont mind each other. Just last wednesday, he was standing next to me while I was being a VP, and my elbow touching his arms (because he is taller) was our only connection. I would text him a good morning or good night, in a time that I know he is awake, but he wouldn't send a reply. I would text him I am not feeling well or something bad just happened, and he would just say "Kaya mo yan!" and divert the story to him. We would go online at the same time but we wouldn't buzz each other. We would have our Facebook posts that a lot would Like or comment, except for us. So is this being important? Maybe in his definition, it is.
Maybe I expected or assumed too much. At least I recognized my could-have-been fault. But I am too drowned with his words. There are a lot of things to think about or to get busy of, but when you are all alone and doing nothing and you look at your phone, you'll be waiting for a text-- I am waiting for his..
It has been weeks since I had news about him, so I don't know what is happening with him. Maybe he is into crazy stuff that I am nowhere in his mind right now. (or was I even?) I have been into a lot of things lately and I needed someone. I needed him. I want him to be here for me. I long for his presence, his presence is more than enough. But he could not and he does not.. But I want to be there for him. I really want to help him with whatever he is into. I want to take care of him, be there when he needs a hug or not. But I cannot and I may not..
My friends' would hate me because I am still don't agree with them. They told me that I AM NOT IMPORTANT TO HIM. Because for them, if I am, these wouldn't be happening. Because if I am, he would spare time for me or even give me all his time and spare a little for himself. But I disagree with no reasons. I trust him - would that be enough to debunk their points?
Actually, he wants me to wait for him. But we never agreed to that because he said he would be there.
That's the painful part.. I trusted him and he kept me waiting..
With all the things I shared, nothing is for him. These are all for me to let out because I still want to understand him. And this is the one for him..
I MISS YOU.
