Did you know that before you admitted that you are praying for someone else, I was already weighing my emotions if I could be seriously falling for you? Not just a simple crush but going to that big word L-O-V-E. Despite that painful truth, you remained in my prayers and I am bringing this burden with me on my first solo international trip. Because I am still HOPING that someday I'll get to tell you how I enjoyed waiting for our story to unfold in His perfect timing.
The Lord knows how much I tried to guard my heart. Every night I was begging Him to take away the attractions if it's not His will, but at the same time seeking patience if it should remain. So yeah, it's been quite a ride already and I am even willing to go with it for a longer haul.
Again, never your fault that: a) your jokes were are so corny that I buy it; b) I really like cute, geeky guys; c) the way you naturally speak about God's word is a huge check; d) I never find your stories boring; and e) your strong conviction to make me ride the back seat is, still by far, the sweetest gesture a guy has done for me. Yes, every time you drive me home and I am at the back seat, I feel so protected and respected. You raised my standards in dating that I have been comparing others to you. Like wondering, what would Pizza do? Then, I think that I will appreciate it more if it was you.
You have no idea how much I enjoy talking to you. Our conversations meant a lot. Nothing was senseless, all were interesting. You are that man I want to converse with at the end of the day - whom I can be open about and eager to listen to. And up until now, the emotions are the same. I find myself being your partner in serving the ministry.
I know God never wanted this heartbreak for me. In fact, I praise Him for this experience. After my first failed relationship (wherein I was not a Christian yet), His love became enough that my standards are His. I never wanted to have a crush on anyone that time. I was controlling my emotions because I am not ready for that commitment anytime soon. However, for it to remain for a nearly year, I surely got my selfish HOPES so high. I maybe reading the signs the wrong way. (Oh, I have so many stories of what I thought are signs)
Then again, I thank God for allowing this attraction because it brought me closer to Him. It made me so patient - to think patience is my biggest struggle. Waiting has never been this romantic for me. I love praying about you or for "God's best" to come along. It assured me of His omnipotence and faithfulness. That's a reason why I am excited to be alone with God in this week-long trip. To turn away from distractions and focus only on Him.
It may or may not be you, only God knows; you may be my answered prayer or someone else's, I won't mind actually; this may be one of those "love stories that never happened" or it may actually end happily ever after; nonetheless, Pizza will forever be my favorite go-to food and yours too, right? That connection will remain special to me even if I can only take the back seat.
"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
