Dear Awesome,
A lot has happened concerning us in a span of 1 month. I’ve been keeping in my prayers and little notebook how I’ve been feeling, and I think God is getting confused with me already.
I praise God for that 4-hr catch-up, after 2 months of no communication, that cleared the air between us. Thank you for listening to me and made me feel understood. It was what I needed then, I really missed my bestie #4. I’m glad he’s *quite* back. I praise God for allowing us to be race buddies. I wouldn’t have made it within the cutoff time if not for you. If I could just enumerate every single act I noticed sweet and thoughtful, I would but those will be always kept well in my “thank you awesome” pocket heart. I praise God that the kind, supportive and caring you that I know is within reach - or that’s what I thought..?
But I’ve been also nagging God to guard my heart. I know for certain you show kindness to everyone or anyone. However, I would be a hypocrite if I don’t think, even for a little while, how you felt towards me before. So it confuses me. It became more complicated now, and I hate it. I hate how I need to think minimum 10x before I message you, respond to you, or spend time with you. There’s some awkwardness we can’t deny. Are these for our benefit? Is this part of our pursuit of God - whether as friends or *potentially* partners?
And then, there’s a part of me doubting in God. When we reconnected we missed out on one thing: clearing out the next steps. You know this. I believe this is why things are complicated. As much as I dont want to bother about it, but you gave me your word that we will. That thought led to more promises that haven’t materialized still. Little things you said you’ll do to this long-overdue conversation. Words being my love language, your words matter to me. It’s that important.
As it gets complicated, my hopes lessen. Sad. It’s weird that I am getting more convinced that you are more compatible with other girls actually. I think it would be easier, less complicated, if it was that girl(s). Well, we’re not on the same page on everything, so maybe.. Sad.
How I wish I could write a happier letter to you someday - God-willing. I’m really anxious now. I don’t blame you, never will I, but with many stresses around me too, you’ve become part of it. So how I wish it won’t be complicated anymore, but what will that be for us then?
Sincerely,
Hope
All from and for Him.
