Sitting in my office, stealing a few minutes from work (sorry Lord), I see my work verse on the board, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human." (Colossians 3:23)
In every situation, especially when I do something brilliant, I keep myself grounded in that command. That I pursue excellence and consider my excellence as a form of worship for the Lord. But maybe just not at this particular moment..
I think I have stretched myself too thin the past weeks to months. A friend asked me last night if I am happy, I can genuinely say that I am happy as it is a choice to do so. I like what I am doing overall, however, there are flaws definitely. Creative inputs are not being honored, moody to difficult colleagues, wasted efforts due to delays, and etc turn my heart to grumble. Stress and grumbling heart are recipes to burnout.
Today in particular, we won an internal global contest - amongst 7,000 hotels that is! I am grateful for the support and congratulatory remarks from our management and colleagues. But there seems to be something wrong in me. I strangely desire for more than a tap on the back. This is entitlement for sure. Trust me, I don't like this feeling. Maybe it started with a "mentor" I talked to today who gave me the impression that we copied them, that our initiative isn't that compelling at all, that isn't good enough. It got me. Not that what she is saying are true, but I think I am still trapped in her superiority complex.
Discouragement seems to be my new enemy now. I should be celebrating, praising God for this blessing, but I am here pouring my heart out that was filled with negatively. I am indeed distracted that I can't wait for the weekend off for a spiritual getaway, to bask in His goodness while I am out of the stressful box of work.
I yearn for a reward. May it be a good meal, llao llao with almond toppings, sweet little gesture, shopping spree or just a tight hug with a whisper that "you are doing great, Hope! way greater than you should" Don't we all want to hear this? If it is not too much to ask, we get to be assured in every single day of our worth, that our labor is never in vain, and that you are appreciated.
While writing that previous paragraph, I am reminded of the most gratifying assurance awaiting me at the end of my labor here on earth.
"His master replied, "Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" Matthew 25:21
*I cry*
Just for this moment. Just today, Lord. Forgive me for stealing 30minutes from work.
All from and for Him.
