Time check: 21:30 pm
In other words: I spent 21 unproductive hours of resting to heal my excruciating headache. Approximately 18 hours lying on bed trying to sleep the pain off because standing up for an hour is nearly impossible.
Time check: 21:35 pm
I should be sleeping now because 1) the headache is still on and off, 2) staying up beyond 10 pm is considered staying up late, 3) I can't afford to not go to work tomorrow, and 4) I also can't afford being this unproductive.
Yesterday, I was feeling super exhausted that I really don't want to get up which is different to I-need-to-not-get-up" feeling. I told myself how I wish I could stay in bed the whole day. And so the Pussycat dolls are singing and dancing up in my head, "be careful what you wish for cause you might just get it." I get it.
I can't remember the last time I was this 'unproductive' or that I didn't step a foot outside, and I don't even have the urge to be stubborn as well to try. I feel like I was always out and about, hustling, grinding, and exhausting myself. And there are days that I complain about it, but only to realize that I should be blaming myself for pushing myself too much actually. I realize now how finite I am and an infinite God loves me so much to command me to rest - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
So, I blog to elate myself a bit that I accomplished something. Despite the precious feeling of bumming around like a highschool kid, I am at an age that every minute counts and I'm constantly afraid of not making any count. The world outside my window seems still, but only because everyone is in their own jungles thriving to live for who knows the reason. I belong there now. However, what hits me is the impact I'm making when I'm out there. Am I serving my life's purpose? I am in the world but not of the world. (John 17:14). That's how it should be, Hope.
A week has passed and I continue to wait patiently for that miracle. A miracle that would enable me to really balance rest and haste.
Time check: 22:11 pm
The best 46 minutes of this day. Now I could sleep.
All from and for Him.
