Good girl, good year.

(Just before I sleep.)

Happy 1st year on my first job as a Marketing Assistant!

That year flew so fast that I didnt even notice that I've been paying taxes for a year already! Thank me, countrymen! Kidding aside. They say that time flies so fast either a) when youre enjoying what youre doing, b) youre too busy, c) it's just fast. All of the above applies to my 1st year.

Shameless, I know I am not in my dream first job. It's been crazy 5 months of job hunting before I landed this job a year ago. And for some, who dont know what I am up to, are maybe disappointed of the path I am taking. I doubted too. Yes, desperation. But one thing I learned in the past year is to trust the open roads. Take it and be positive about it.

I am proud to be an SMDC employee, but more than that, to be a Marketing professional in the making. I am in a real estate industry but I am surrounded with mentors who inspire me to discover the marketing world and actually consider it as my lifetime profession. Considering.

It's not too late to still have considerations. "Nothing is too late if you want it" Qoute that. I am still hopeful to work for an international charitable organization, embassy, events planner or anywhere! So much desires. And now, to be a Marketing professional is a big dream. I aspire to be that brilliant like our executives.

Well anyway, I have so much to say. The past working year has been mostly great and LOVELY. (Emphasis on lovely) Met the greatest guy - another story yet to be told. Been responsible of my earnings. Being independent on my luxuries. Been very awared. Knowledge and wisdom grew. And a whole more that made me better now because of this job.

I cant say how long I will stay or if I'll be celebrating my 2nd worksary in SMDC. Though, as long as you work with eagerness, sometimes you'll really hate what youre doing, just make it count. Hold on to it. Success, promotion and recognition in work is something you really must work on! Tasks maybe clerical and routinary, but learn to be grateful. Get your own discipline and make sure to standout.

1st note to self a year ago: BE ASSERTIVE. Always.

There, I sound so cheesy.

..shall sleep, work tomorrow! 

THAT LEFT

When one THING isn't going out so well in your life, you keep that HOPE that it will get better. When THINGS aren't going so well in your life, you still HOPE and hold on to that ONE great thing left. But when that GREAT THING keeps on falling apart, all that is left is HOPE. 

It's difficult to be dependent on something or someone for happiness. It's unfair, immature and dangerous. So now, I am choosing to suck it all in and focus on what my day needs to accomplish. When unhappy thoughts passby, hide and cry. Divert your attention. May it be boring, it doesnt matter, because happiness seems to be only temporary. 

"You are left alone, Hope. You'll get through it. Keep on accepting, thinking this is what you deserve. Better yourself, for yourself, if you think you deserve better." - self

ALONE.

Is just a lonely word. But for others, or maybe just me, it is comforting. The feeling of being all by yourself can either be crazy or calm. You only hear the voice of your own thoughts, you go where your eyes pull you, you do what satisfies you and you feel every emotion you seek for. 

"I want to be alone" - selfish and brave. 

You block those who want to be there for you and those crap. You only satisfy yourself in that moment and noone should even care. You can leave anything and get everything. It is an escape, it is a trap.

You get lost in a strange place and try to survivor. You are making a stand. You are your own protection. You get comfort from your inner positivism. You push and pull yourself in decisions. You see your best and worst. It is acceptance, it is temporary.

We all have our burdens to carry and sorrows to face. Some are too heavy. There is always a choice to make: to escape or to face it? to solve it or let it pass? to cry or to be positive? to be with someone or be alone? 

Choosing to be alone is not automatic. It just happens out of selfishness and bravery. I could swear, if I could choose to not be alone - I would. I love a great company. But still I leave. Leaving where the problem is and find my own peace without being in debted. 

I cant find the right words to explain and contain my emotions right now. I feel so down in every aspect of life. And even love,  is not enough for me or just not for me.  It sucks. I suck. Suck! 

Now that I am all alone, I find myself blogging in my comfort place. Realizations pass by so quickly. Regrets slowly kill me. Best and worst get a clearer comparison. But entering the familiar again is still scary. I still dont know if I can keep up to my decisions and if my actions will be right and enough. 

I am not a loner. Noone ever wants to be one. God and society wont let it. I am just troubled soul, weak and lost. That is why I want to save my ownself, fly away and be better. 

Save me? Or leave me?