Bizarre. That's the perfect adjective to describe how my 2014 was. Who knew I would survived the year? Even I was surprised to end it with a genuine smile on my face. Crashed on the first half and took a flight on the second half.
Since I wasn't an active blogger this year, let me give you a round up of the year that was - highlighting the lows that grew as my highs.
HEARTBREAK.
First real heartbreak. Yes, I have totally moved on from it, but it is true that
"pain demands to be felt" as clearly told in TFIOS. A self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, idealistic and believer of fairytales "no boyfriend since birth" like me, totally didn't expect a tragic love story as what happened to me. I can still clearly remember the start of that ending, and how I started anew when it was all over.
I can proudly say that what happened to me was a story worth telling. Trust me, how it fell apart was really, really bad
(ask my friends lol). I was really at my weakest, for months, not to add the other bumps I had. I went through all stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Plus, forgiveness. Was I healed? Yes, but still scarred. Still, glad that I learned about love the hard way. It was a blessing.
BETRAYAL
Which is very much related to the heartbreak. It's not in my nature to ruin someone's reputation, and will never be, so no name-dropping. When I was a kid, betrayal for me was simply is when a friend chose to have lunch with someone else. Again, never did I expect to know it on an extreme definition. I thought I was good at choosing my friends - whom I can trust completely. And when I got my heart broken, I know that I never lack great friends to find comfort with. I may have failed to be a lover, but I know I will never ever fail in being a friend. Oops, but I did because I was so stupid. Actually, the worst part was someone made me stupid. How can a friend betray you for over a year, every single day, right on the face, and suck it all in? I dunno! I know I didn't deserve that, and noone did.
Her apologies was just enough to forgive her. But that kind of betrayal has ended the friendship. As much as she was not aware of how grave the pain she caused me, that's how much I know I can't be friends with her anymore. Since, betrayal taught me to be wiser.
BRUISED
Oh, literally. A very few know about this mishap in my life because I am really ashamed of it. I don't have a warm and happy family. We are just fine, far away. My parents are abroad and I didn't grow passionately open with them. My relationship with my sister is a total wreck ever since, and it got worst this year. I seldom see her in the house, because of her BPO work and her partner, and I can barely count the times we talk. I know she hated me, but I didn't
(cross my heart). I just got used to our setup of not minding each other's business. I am really surprised with the two fights which got very physical. It was like those teleserye scenes - someone being beaten down hopelessly.
It was so devastating to even write. Such a dark experience that I all I could do was cry for a hero to save me. Healed all the bruises but our relationship is still left unresolved. Will get there, someday.
All these happened at the same time. You can realize how damaged I was.
Rock bottom. But it resulted to to the confidence I have now. These tragedies sure did made me tougher and wiser - very much!
So how did I survive?
God. It totally felt like the world gave up on me, but He never did. I found healing the day I started embracing His grace. Until now, it overwhelms me. How everything fell into place and the reasons behind all of it.
My faith saved me, true story.
And that begins the 2nd half of 2014 - the ascend, the high, the joy.
