BRUISED

Peripheral Eye View is part of the vision that occurs outside the center gaze. It enables us to see our surrounding without even twisting our heads. It is human's secret weapon and shield.

But yesterday, I wished I was crossed-eyed.

I was in a very excruciating situation - you wanted to not notice things around you but you can't, because it still registers at the side of your eyes; you wanted not to hear things around you, but that noise stands out; you wanted to not feel pain, but the fact you know it's there, you can't just not never mind it. I wanted to escape, but there were no exits.

And that excruciating situation made me strengthen my stand. Because that very "view" proved me of a relationship that I can't afford to destroy. A love that, yes, I envy but I am glad it is theirs. A loving relationship that I can't have - definitely accepted.

I heard stories which prove that I was nobody. I was not special because he is naturally that way. Knowing my personality and point of view, I would have cursed him to hell. But I can't, because I still believe and trust in the kind and sweet friend that I found in him.

I closed my eyes. Sleep. Opened my eyes. Woke-up.

I am happy, I am supposed to be happy. I might have bruised my heart again for NTH TIMES already, but hey! Remember, just a bruise. At least I know now where to pass to avoid getting tripped again.

"hindi ka man laging masaya, lagi ka naman MAGANDA <3" -Vea Valenzuela

SPOTTED

Peripheral Eye View is part of the vision that occurs outside the center gaze. It enables us to see our surrounding without even twisting our heads. It is human's secret weapon and shield.

But yesterday, I wished I was crossed-eyed.

I was in a very excruciating situation - you wanted to not notice things around you but you can't because it still registers at the side of your eyes; you wanted not to hear things around you, but that noise stands out; you wanted to not feel pain, but the fact you know it's there, you can't just not never mind it. I want to escape, but there were no exits.

And that excruciating situation made me strengthen my stand. Because that very "view" proved me of a relationship that I can't afford to destroy. A love that, yes, I envy but I am glad it is theirs. A loving relationship that I can't have - definitely accepted.

I heard stories which prove that I was nobody. I was not special because he is naturally that way. Knowing my personality and point of view, I would have cursed him to hell. But I can't, because I still believe and trust in the kind and sweet friend that I saw in him.

I close my eyes. Sleep. Opened my eyes. Woke-up.

I am happy, I am supposed to be happy. I might have bruised my heart again for NTH TIMES already, but hey! Remember, just a bruise. At least I know now where to pass to avoid getting tripped again.

"hindi ka man laging masaya, lagi ka naman MAGANDA <3" -Vea Valenzuela

BOTHERED

LOVE IS NOT A FEELING, RATHER, LOVE IS A COMMITMENT.

-Kendra Duran

RIGHT

Have you ever got close, very close, with someone who is in a relationship? Have you ever been teased or linked with those kind of guys? Have you ever felt confused of his intentions? Have you ever felt bothered with all the confusions?

He is in relationship, a one-year relationship already. When we met, I am already aware that he is taken. I was not attracted to him by any chance but I felt a comfort of having him as a close friend. Our relationship SHOULD be professional, because we are both members of Central Board of Presidents. But I was not aware that we have gotten so close already that others have noticed it. I am completely not bothered by it because I know I am not crossing any boundaries, and I know, he doesn't as well.

Recently, their relationship is having conflicts and problems. He ran to me for advice, and I gave him comfort. All the advices that come out of mouth were to save their relationship. The same time of their rocky relationship, we were enjoying each other's company. Just enjoying. Then one day, I checked on how their relationship was doing, and then he told me they were already okay. And he owes me what happened. He was grateful for my advices. But I was not.

WRONG

When I knew they were already okay, there is this heavy feeling inside my chest, puzzling my mind that makes me weak. Was I hurt? Why?

"Do you like him?" I know I don't have to. It is wrong. And whatever my answer is, it wouldn't matter anyway. He is in a relationship - remember?

BUT.. I am comfortable with him. There is this certain comfort and safety I feel when I am with him. I am a super coward, and I am scared with road trips. But when he drives, I can fall asleep safe and sound.

My greatest obsession are pianists, and he is great at that. His voice can melt any girl's heart.

I always beg my friends to give me back massage and I love going to the spa. But he would just go after you, hold your back and give it for free.

He is such a sweet and caring guy. He can spoil anyone he wants to. If he insists to treat you, you can't even resist. He is the person that loves making others happy. I love it when my friends, especially guy friends, would spoil me. But with him, I hate it. I know it's weird but I like rejecting his kind offers. I like saying no to him. But I feel happy making him happier.

He aspires to be a doctor someday. And I fear any medicine-related things. Ironically, I find myself being with a doctor to overcome these fears. He smokes and I am hater. (Just saying)

He is a man of many opinions and I am idealistic. But in every conversation, we find ourselves agreeing with each other. I always felt being misunderstood but he just concedes when I reach my boiling point in an argument.

Everyone knows I am HOPEless romantic. And he as well loves happy-ever after endings.

Again, do I like him? It won't matter.

A friend told me, at least you know what is right from wrong. And I always go for the right, though I am not sure with what is there for me. I am on the right path now.

But I am going to explode any time and any moment from now. "Wrong" haunts me. Because the wrong thing assures me of a happiness that I have wanted for a long time now.

Knowing that their relationship is already stable, I created my distance. Not to create drama, but I know this is the right thing to do. I am certain my conscience is clear, but because all this sh*t feelings bother me big time, I have to take one step backward. This is to save THEIR relationship and to save MY HEART from being broken.

Prevention is better than cure.