GRATEFUL

Today is my 20th birthday! :) I always love celebrating my birthday. For me, this the most special day in the year :) Besides the gifts, greetings and surprises, I feel special because another year has gone by and I am certain there will be another year ahead. I AM GRATEFUL :)

But this year, I have exit the "teen" stage in my life. OMG! It feels awful because it is true now that I AM NO LONGER A KID! I can't play and fool around anymore. And I now feel that I have to be totally social responsible and be a responsible citizen of the Philippines. It is really hard to accept especially with my personality being a happy-go-lucky girl. I wish I could be a young forever. And as the song goes, I WANNA BE FOREVER YOUNG.

ACCEPTANCE it is. As I reflect my first day in my 20 year of age, I feel so matured, intellectually and emotionally. I still feel excited of how is it in the "REAL" world. Soon, I will be sitting with my uncles and aunties in our family occasions and everyone will be calling me with Ms. or Ate. Also, soon I will be facing the "jungle" of professionalism alone. It makes me worried if I am ready of acting always matured and responsible, but with the 20 years of learning in life, I think I can.

20 years it has been that I have felt lonely and unlove during my birthday because i have no partner in life who is obligated to make surprises for me. But, it is still awesome because my friends are obliged to make me happy, and it is 10x the fun! I am truly grateful and wouldn't ask for more. I do have lots of regrets, disappointments and wish-I-could-be's in life, but I am truly CONTENTED in life. I don't need a man to make me special in my special day, because I am extremely happy being loved by a lot :)

GOT THE BEST GIFTS = SWEEEEEEETS! :))

All that I am asking for = GRANTED! ;)

(Though I still he comes.. soon!)

ELECT

"PRESIDENT-ELECT OF CTHM STUDENT COUNCIL A.Y. 2011-2012"

Do I really want this? What did I even entered in? Is this fate or martyrdom? Am I deserving?

Those are your questions, and don't worry, those are mine too. I can defend myself in ways possible, but will they be enough? Well, I don't know. I am not the BEST, and even if I will say I will try to be, it won't happen. I can push myself farther than my limits but reaching someone's expectations, those I can't. I am to be a leader who does not satisfy other's expectations but doing the right things for right reasons.

I know I am entering something deadly, but I am in for blood. But definitely, I am a student who knows how to surrender and rest. Many are staring at me, awaiting for my failure, but I am to raise my head high, armed with those who trust me.

I am grateful with the good lucks, but what I definitely need is the consistency of support. I don't need friends in this battle, but responsible people who knows their time and task.

I am a student before a leader but I am always a STUDENT LEADER :)

USED

BE THE BETTER PERSON, ALWAYS.


I am willing to forgive a person, regardless of the gravity of mistake done, but what is truly the hardest thing to do is FORGETTING. Like the common phrase, it's easy to forgive than to forget, I too have hard times forgetting the things that had happened in the past. If that is a flaw, then I am sorry but I can't change that trait of mine easily. Well, I think there is nothing wrong with it because it keeps me cautious that things might happen again. Things may have worked out again but trust has "rust" in it once you've "dirtied" it.

If there was one person in my 2010 that I should be so angry with, it would be that person who keeping coming back just to crush my heart. But I made sure with myself that as I end 2010, I have left him there. But he came again with no reasons. I am too smart to entertain him again. I accepted the friendship and conversations, only because I want to prove to him I AM OKAY. I have left all my bitterness, forgave him without him asking for it, and I don't take him seriously right now. I am sincere with the friendship or "textmates-ship"- but that's just it. Nothing more, nothing less. Honestly, I enjoy talking with him and listening to him, but it is all fun, no romance now.

Take note: I am so cautious that I seem to be paranoid. Noone can blame me even him, because he hurted me. What sucks, he doesn't know and he is not guilty of it. In this time, where school issues are starting to boil intensely, I use my brain. If there are people telling me chismis, he can't blame me if I easily believe in them. He came without saying his intentions and here came hear-says from trustworthy people - then there is nothing I have to apologize for.

I am sorry for being to judgemental and shallow to have suspected him to be using me for their party. But now, I take back those apologies because I am being blamed of being rude. I will never agree when he says I was never nice with him. All this time, I have been kind and understanding to him. After all the heartaches, I am here trying my hardest to talk to him like nothing has happened before. Maybe the reason why I am still nice to him is because I still believe that deep inside he can't hurt me. And up to now, I know he knows I am too good to deserve to be hurt.

It sucks that up to now, he is still the topic of my blog entries. I just feel soo down to be accused and still be forgiving to a person. I just don't want to kick him out of my life because I want this year to be just positive. It is killing me that 2011 is just starting and something is just not right and ruined.



KEEPING MY POSITIVISM.