YEAR OF FUN

"#2011in3words Stress, Priorities, Opportunities" - This was my tweet yesterday. Yes, this is how I summarize my year 2011.

Emotional and psychological stress have been my morning wake-up call and evening lullaby. I was not in my healthiest this year. People would always see me problematic and haggard. And the worst part, I am a stress eater, it resulted to huge weight gains. But I will always consider all the stress as chances for me to prove myself. And because I am self-obsessed, I won over stress! I may have not won with gold medals, but I never ran away from it. I faced it with winning game face! :)

Knowing my priorities is my biggest challenge. It will take a lot of wisdom to set one's priorities. Sadly, I sacrificed my social life for my responsibilities. But that was one thing I was never wrong with. Though sometimes my schedule is all messed up, what is important is that by the end of the day I know which is important to me :)

2011 also has been full of doors of opportunities. I may not deserve all of it but I am so blessed just to know that there are people who saw my potentials and trusted in me. With all the hardwork and efforts I have exerted, I never asked for anything in return. Keeping this humility, I have been blessed with overwhelming opportunities. As I end this year, I am up for greatness! Thank God for all the opportunities :)

These three things - stress, priorities and opportunities, led me to one great 2012 lesson - MATURITY. I never saw myself growing up (emotionally and intellectually), but 2011 has ended my youth days. This year I have been faced with the worst stress ever, but it made me tougher and more mature. It takes a lot of maturity to make the right decisions and getting your priorities right. Saying that, I am definitely on the right track. Opportunities don't last, it fades if taken for granted. But with the maturity I gained this year, I am positive I will prove that I am deserving of all of it.

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Unexpectedly, my last year of 2011 was pure bliss. I had great moments with my true friends, did some spontaneous things, got rid of heartaches and felt accomplished with my internship. I never felt this overjoyed for the past days of the year. I guess it's just summarizing my entire year in a way that I never perceived it to be. I have been busy the whole year fulfilling my SC responsibilities, trying my hardest to make good impressions, struggling over my academics, staying strong for others and being the person others want me to be. But God, with all the powers from the universe, made me felt that I did just enough :)

I wouldn't lie, I am not ending this year right. I have my failures, regrets and guilt with me, but I will be facing 2012 stronger! Strong enough to face the big real world because I know the people I will run to when I trip again and again :)

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I have a lot to say about how awesome my 2011 was. I couldn't stop my mouth from telling all the dramatic, funny and amazing memorable stories. But as traditions says, we have to learn to move on from the past year and welcome the new year anew. I am going with tradition, but will be bringing a huge sack of wisdom and courage I gained from 2011.

I certainly ROCKED 2011! ♥

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As how Bill Rancic says it (in my favorite reality series Giuliana&Bill) - "THIS IS THE YEAR OF FUN!" ♥

2012 is my YEAR OF FUN! :)

I am still not sure how my 2012 will be. It wouldn't be that predictable as before, like how I always know I will be in school for the entire year, because I will graduating this March! I am 100% clueless of where I will be and who I will be with in the next months. When I was about to start my internship, I was so scared and nervous of the real world. I thought I was not prepared yet. Well, I am still unprepared but 2011 made me tougher! I might face 2012 alone but it's with a fighter's game face! :)

I also dedicate my 2012 to myself. I have done a lot of sacrifices this past year. But I don't regret putting myself on the least priority. I have never felt so accomplished when I know I am doing things for others' sake. Though 365 days of it is enough already. It's time to have 365 days for myself :)

I have this great realization in mind. I have always scheduled my day, doing things according to plan and controlled myself from sudden changes. But what I've missed out a lot was doing spontaneous things. And when I had a chance to do one, I found this genuine happiness that I want to have for a long time :)

This year I will take more risks and chances. This year I will be more impulsive. This year I will just go with the flow. This year I will live THE LIFE! ♥

CHEERS TO THE YEAR OF FUN, 2012 ♥

CHANCE

It could have been the perfect story of DESTINY..

People would always tell me that I don't have to wait for love, it just comes in the most unexpected way. I have always waited and searched for it but I never forced for it to be there when it shouldn't be. After that recent heartbreak, being the "other" woman, I was cautious more than ever. I swore myself that I will never be in that same situation and that will be my last most stupid heartbreak. I was living the single life, no need for a man to complete my day. There will be some guys to make me smile but they won't define me and my happiness.

A regular hot, sunny day on a semestral break, I checked my Facebook before leaving for a date with a girl friend. A surprising personal message popped out of my screen from a guy who is at first a stranger to me. I always ignore random chat messages from strangers after I check on who they are, because there are big possibilities that they would be from my college inquiring some stuff. I don't want to come out as a snob being the head of the council. Anyway, so I checked his profile. He is from our college, but I have to check more on his photos to be more familiar. Glancing through his photos, flashbacks rush into my head. THE GUY I ADMIRED TWO YEARS AGO!

When I was doing our electoral campaign, I would notice this guy around the building. He is a cutie with a big smile on his face. But I didn't get the chance to meet him but I told myself that next academic year, I am having my eye on him! It was strange to not see him around especially with his circle of friends. The admiration eventually was gone. And then I learned that he stopped studying. And that marked the end of my hope for a possible spark. Fast forward 2 years later, I didn't hesitate to reply. Because there was only one word running in my head - CHANCE. I should give this conversation a chance. He might just be asking for me to like a photo or news about the college, I forgot about it, at least for once I stepped up for CHANCE.

I don't know his intentions, and I guess I will never know about it, but he was really starting this conversation with me to be my friend. He said that he wanted to approach me way before. I would probably be alarmed by then, but I was done with putting colors on meaningless statements. I was my normal nice but never-a-flirt self. Before we ended our conversation, he asked for my number. I gave it because I really don't mind at all. A little later, he sent me a text message.

There is a catch here: he is in a relationship - from what I saw in his facebook account. He was really nice but at times he is uber nice that it gets awkward. I had enough pain already that is why I went straight to the point that I was feeling awkward because he is in a relationship. He would always assure me that everything is okay and it's not like we're doing something illegal. Then one day, I bluntly asked him how his relationship is going. I was surprised to know that he already had broken up days ago. I was completely unaware of it and it wasn't even evident from his actions in our conversations. Knowing about this, I was alarmed already and beginning to create some cold space.

Another BUT begins.. But there is something about him that amuses me. It is difficult to define and describe how nice he is. Maybe I will put it this way, he would be sweet at times with his caring words, he complements my type of humor and I see the honesty in his words. And a plus factor, he speaks English with no grammatical errors. We are consistent text/bbmates. Then I knew his reason for quitting school for 2 years now. They have a financial problem. It was not a big deal but I would love to have a boyfriend who finished school. Oh well, since we're just friends, forget about it!

Suddenly, things are in a blur. We are beginning to have this petty fights and would try to fix the "problem". Just that freaks me out. Friends don't do that, right? As I try to ignore how serious things are getting, I would feel this intense feeling whenever I am confused with his words. What bothers me even more is that he was not texting me regularly anymore.

That began my confusion with feelings for him. I am starting to miss him. Why was I missing him? Does this mean that I already like him? Or is it just because I was just used to having him around? Was I left alone again lost on air for what could have been a love affair? Is this another heartbreak? Why just can't I learn? Why just can't I end up happy in love? (tears)

For a week, I was really misled with this words and actions. He was turning into guy who don't even care at all. Maybe it was me, because I was sick for week, but I am getting pissed with his jokes. I lost the nice guy whom I love talking with.

It got worse when he didn't even send a Christmas greeting. I greeted him but he replied late at night with "You too. Thanks." WOW! Nervously, I asked if he is mad at me and that everything is so unclear. He assured me that there were no reasons to be. And that's it, I guess, another bitter end to a never-could-be-love-story.

I am still not quite sure on my feelings for him. Now that I see it ended, things got clearer on a negative note. I can be a rebound - same level to being an other woman. It sucks. Whatever his intentions or reasons were, I don't care anymore. I will just remember him the way he was to me - nice, just nice.

I want to kill myself now because I am worrying myself on something that is nothing! Don't worry, I've already scolded myself for expecting things my way and getting pissed because it won't be.

Again, I screwed up! There is really something wrong with me that I always fail on this thing called LOVE. I would always reflect on how was to a guy when it all tears apart. With bragging rights, I was very awesomely nice. But it will all end up to I am not enough.

Same old story: You could've made this Christmas a special one. You could've been the special person I would run to for a warm hug this cold season. You could've saved me from this lonely hearts club. But, you are just not good enough.